The Process of Losing & Gaining

4.Another You

"How did you end up in rehab anyway?" Jaime questioned. He and I had been spending a lot of time together. Honestly, I had been asking him to lately because I felt vulnerable with Mike still giving me the silent treatment and struggling to get my life in check. Jaime confiscated all my razors and one day even brought over the largest tube of Neosporin I've ever seen. He was becoming my rock. It was a scary thought but sad at the same time. I had a) let him in and b) replaced Mike, or rather filled the void.
"Like everybody, I was on drugs and my family was 'concerned.'" I put air quotes around concerned.
"Why the air quotes?" Sometimes I felt like we played 20 questions more than talked. It was nice though. It meant he wanted to know about me. He liked to hear me talk.
"Long story. Tell me about yourself." I tried to steer the conversation away from rehab.
"After you answer me." He insisted.
"Fine, I was going through a rough time in my life. I had lost the most important person in my life and I started to hang out with the wrong crowd. Eventually, I succumbed to the peer pressure and started to do drugs with them. At first it was just weed but it quickly escalated. I came home on acid one day and my parents sat me down and told me they were sending me to rehab in the morning."
"I'm sorry." He spoke softly.
"It's not your fault. I just don't handle change well and when I lost my best friend I spiraled out of control."
"What was their name?"
"Rosa, we had been friend since fifth grade. I got a matching tattoo with her before-" I trailed off I couldn't say how she died.
"That's neat. Of what?" I lifted my sweatpants leg above my ankle to reveal a Cheshire Cat tattoo.
"We liked Alice in Wonderland a lot." I said laughing. "But I haven't been able to watch it with out her."
"I'm glad you can talk with me about her." He smiled and put his hand on mine. He wasn't flirting with me at that moment, it was out of comfort.
"I'm glad you listen. Now I told you. Your turn." He sighed.
"Fair enough. Compared to you I don't have much of a story. I grew up with my parents. They weren't too strict I guess. When I graduated high school I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life. I joined this band Trigger My Nightmare. I like to say my life was on hold until Vic and Mike asked me to join Pierce the Veil though." He had been playing with his hands the whole time as if he was ashamed to be telling me such a story.
"And now you live the fabulous life of a rock star!" I encouraged. He smiled at me. I suddenly felt the urge to do something. "Wait here." I told him. Confusion flashed on his face as I went into my room and pulled something out of my memory box. I walked back to where I had left Jaime and I showed him the case.
"Watch it with me?" I asked as I put the DVD in. He looked shocked at first but nodded. I sat back down on my couch significantly closer to Jaime than I had before. Alice in Wonderland starting playing as I held the note that she had left for me inside the case. It was by chance that her mother gave the DVD to me. We somehow knew it was left for me. It was time for me to move on and stop being hurt over her suicide.
During the movie, I tried my hardest not to cry and when I eventually did, Jaime held onto me. I was glad he was there for me. He held me for the rest of the movie and when the credits rolled, I looked up to him.
"Thank you." It must have been the thousandth time I had thanked him in the month that I had known him. I truly couldn't thank him enough. He was so accepting of everything I've done, everything I do.
"How many times do I have to tell you it's my pleasure?" he smiled at me.
"I don't usually allow people in like this." I admitted.
"When I first met you I realized that you had these walls. I decided then I was going to get you to open up to me." He told me. Even though he was being serious, I couldn't help but laugh at him and his cockiness.
"You just assumed you were going to get your way?" I questioned. He nodded.
"I did didn't I?" One of his eyebrows raised in question.
"I guess so." I stuck my tongue out and Jaime poked my side.
"So you're coming to the Halloween party with us, right?" he asked out of the blue. Rosa and I loved this movie. We read the book together a thousand times, highlighted each others favorite parts, even quoted the movie when we were at school. Every Halloween, she dressed as Alice and I dressed as the mad hatter. The first Halloween with out her was harder than anything. The first Halloween with out her, and a few after that, I spent drunk or too hopped up on drugs to remember. Going to this party, with alcohol and the possibility of drugs after I had already relapsed could be a horrible idea. It also held the potential for healing. I looked into his big brown eyes. With him there, what could go wrong? He'd be there if I needed him. Mike would also be there. I could fix things with him.
"Of course." I turned my whole body to face him.
"Who are you gonna be?" he asked.
"You'll have to wait to see." I teased.
*A/N: sorry for the shortness. It was all that needed to be said here. *