The Process of Losing & Gaining

3.It Tastes So Sweet

I woke up to a place I didn't know and a bed that was foreign to me. Although I had warning flares going off in my head the pounding was too much so I ignored the alarming thoughts of being in an unknown space. There were footsteps coming down the hallway that shocked my brain with each step. Soon the door swung open and the pain that was intruding me dulled down. Jaime was in the doorway and I recalled calling him at some point.
"Hey, how you feeling?" He asked as he handed me a glass of water. I didn't speak for a moment, contemplating on telling him I was fine and leaving.
"God, I feel like death." I admitted. He just laughed at me and despite the aching I pushed his shoulder. "Be nice to me." I spoke through a laugh of mine own.
"Sorry." He continued laughing. Eventually, the laughing died out and so did our conversation. He sat next to me sipping his coffee for a few moments. I sat up to drink some of the water and that's when I realized I wasn't wearing my own clothes. I only wore a Mens T-shirt.
"Jaime..." I started but he cut me off.
"I couldn't let you sleep in the clothes you had on. Don't worry I wasn't in the room when you changed but I have to be honest with you. You begged me to stay in bed with you. I promise you the worst we did was lie down." I tried not to seem so relieved but it must have been obvious because he just laughed at me. "Do you not trust me that much?" He questioned.
"I don't trust anyone but Mike." I spoke with out much thought.
"What can I do to get you to trust me?" He looked at me with his intense brown eyes and I couldn't tell him the truth, which was nothing.
"I just don't trust people I hardly know." I tried to speak quietly so that maybe he would brush the conversation with me.
"Than spend the day here." He pleaded. He seemed like he didn't want to leave me alone. I wouldn't blame him but I didn't get why he was so concerned. He didn't know all that I've done. He only knew I was inebriated last night.
I removed the blanket and stood up trying to step away from Jaime and grab my clothes but I couldn't avoid his stare on my thighs. The skin which I know at one point must have been clear and smooth was now torn and scarred.
"I'm sorry. It's disgusting, I know. I can leave now." I picked up my clothes and headed for the bedroom door but he stopped me. He put his hand on my shoulder and his other one touched my jawline to get me to look at him.
"It's not disgusting. Don't ever think that okay?" He asked and I nodded my head. This moment was so surreal. It was real but it was also intimate and it made me sick to my stomach. I stepped away from him.
"I have to go." I tried to push passed him but the action failed.
"I don't want you to be alone." His eyes held my gaze and again I couldn't tell him no.
"Where can I smoke a cigarette?" I said dropping onto the bed to put on my pants. He smiled at me and then lead me to a balcony where he stood next to me as I watched it burn.
"Why do you smoke?" He blurted out of no where.
"Why don't you smoke?" I retorted.
"I don't like the idea of losing a minute of my life with each inhale." I let out a breath that was meant to be a laugh but didn't resemble one in the slightest.
"Then I guess I smoke for the same reason you don't." I took another burn. I looked at him and his eyes were sad. "What?" I questioned.
"But you're so caring and Bonita. You shouldn't feel that way." I just gave him a sad smile. He didn't understand I had lost my best friend and immediately after I lost myself.
"I used to care too much." I used to care about others opinions and I used to allow myself to get close to people but those feelings are all gone along with those I cared for most.
"You don't acknowledge it but you care. It's in your eyes." I looked away from him. There was a knot in my stomach and I didn't like that he made me feel.
"Can we talk about something else? I don't care what as long as it's something trivial." I pleaded.
"We can watch a movie." He suggested. I nodded my head, finished my cigarette and we headed inside to watch, of all movies the guy had, Toy Story.

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"Thanks again for everything." I told Jaime as I turned my knob that lead into my apartment. I tried to keep it clean but if you were to walk in my room it would look as if my closet had gotten clothes poisoning and threw up.
"Like I've told you a thousand times it's nothing. I enjoy spending time with you anyway." I smiled at him but he didn't see. I continued into my room to change. Vic invited Jaime over and in turn I was invited by Jaime. The only reason I was going was because I needed to talk to Mike, to apologize to him. Jaime offered to drive me even though I had my own car. Maybe it was because he didn't want me driving in my hung over state.
"You're not too bad yourself, Preciado." I said, stepping out of my room in skinny jeans and an old band shirt. It was my favorite because it was worn out which made it twenty times more comfortable than it had been in its original state.
"Thanks," he hesitated, "I don't know your last name." he continued.
"Grey, boring I know."
"I think it's neat. You have a name that belongs in writing." He joked. We left for Vic's just after that. Surprisingly, Jaime let me take control of the radio. He even knew most of the songs that I had on a CD of mine I had brought. It was cool to know someone had the same taste as me. When we arrived I saw Mike's car and my stomach got knotted up.
"Just breathe. You're his best friend. He loves you." Jaime told me before we left the car. I still chose to stay outside and take a burn before I continued in. I soon regretted the decision since I then was outside alone and would have to walk in alone. I should have taken up on Jaime's offer to stay outside with me, but the guy had been under my feet for the past twelve hours. He was so nice and I couldn't take advantage of that, at least not more than I already have. To be perfectly honest, he was the kind of person you think about all day because he's funny and sweet and he never stopped smiling that amazing smile of his. And I shouldn't think of him that way. He didn't deserve to have such a mess think of him.
I looked down at my cigarette to acknowledge that I was so deep in thought, it had burned out. I laughed at myself and re-lit it. Soon, Mike was at my side but he never opened his mouth to speak.
"I'm sorry." Were the first words to fall out of my mouth. He didn't even take a glance at my direction. "Really the silent treatment?" He lit a cigarette as a response. I bit my lip so I didn't go off on him. I was the one bleeding but he gets to act like the damaged one. I quickly dismissed the thought because I knew it was wrong of me to think that way. I puffed at my cigarette and dug my nails into the new wound to hopefully feel something besides anger.
Mike took a glance at me taking notice of my existence. I quickly threw my hands at my sides feeling like I was two and was caught with my hands in the cookie jar. He simply shook his head as he flicked his cigarette, half smoked, onto the ground. I followed suit as he made his way inside. I didn't allow him to get very far past the door. I grabbed his arm and pulled him towards me, which wasn't far since I lacked the strength.
"Look, I know I hurt you. I never wanted to okay?" He sneered in a way and pulled his arm out of my hand. He walked into the living area and I took a breath before I headed in. Vic was on the phone with what sounded to be a female, judging by his tone of voice and choice of words. Tony and Adalyn took up the love seat. Surprisingly enough, they weren't attached by their lips. Adalyn was leaning on him showing him something on her phone. Jaime was on the couch looking bored as hell. I sat down next to him, making sure I stayed far enough away from Mike who sat in a single chair.
"How did it go?" He whispered to me as if Mike couldn't hear.
"Not well. He won't even talk to me." I told him just a subtle.
"Goodbye. Wait, call me when you get off work? Okay, bye." Vic hung up his phone. "Sorry guys. That was Jazz."
"What's up dude?" Jaime said filling the awkwardness that had begun to thicken. I kept staring at Mike as if my willpower alone would make him turn to me.
"Let's do something interesting today." Vic stated, looking around the room and noticing Mike's behavior to me. "I just wanted to know what you all thought would be good."
"I don't care as long as there is junk food involved." I stated. Adalyn scrunched up her nose like I just cursed in front of a small child. Jaime, on the other hand, gave me a high five and Tony smiled. "What about you Mike?" I tried to put him on the spot. He shrugged. He was always good at looking composed no matter what was on his mind. Sometimes I believed he was better at hiding his feelings than me.
"Okay, uh, let's go to the arcade." Vic proposed. The room lightened a bit as we all agreed, even Mike. As we piled into the arcade, Jaime called dibs on a pinball machine. I followed him since I hadn't really connected with Vic and have gotten no where with Tony. He was instantly sucked in to the game and it stole all of his attention.
"I call next game." I told him and he just laughed at me.
"You're going to be waiting awhile."
"Why do you say that?" I questioned.
"'Cause I'm the best at this." It was my turn to laugh at him.
"What?" He asked breaking concentration slightly.
"You aren't the best I can promise." I said to him as I sqeezed between him and the machine. Our hips against each others due to him staying perfectly still. I looked up at him and just smiled. "See you've already lost a turn."
"That wasn't fair in the slightest bit." He countered.
"No this is." I smiled up at him as I released the second ball and it fell through the bottom. He must not have really been all that interested because he didn't stop me. He just laughed at me and threw me over his shoulder. I squealed and gripped tightly at the back of his shirt. "Put me down please. Oh my god!" I yelled too loudly because a significant amount of people, the clerk and all the teenagers not playing, to stare at us.
"Not 'till you're sorry." He protested.
"I already am you goof, now put me down." My feet touched the floor again and I playfully pushed him away from me. I could see Vic leaning over to say something to Mike that seemed to piss him off because he shook his head pulled his cigarettes out of his pocket and went outside as if the sight of me was poison.