The Process of Losing & Gaining

9.To Find the Perfect Words

The next morning I woke up feeling blissful, which I hadn't in a while. It was strange to feel comforted by the idea of a person but in the same bed I had slept in for years, there was a new sense of softness. My phone started to ring and Mike's name popped up.
"Hey." I spoke my voice still rough from sleep.
"Well, good morning but you gotta let me in I'm starting to look creepy waiting out here." He didn't look like the kind of person to care about general opinions of him but deep down he was.
"Okay, okay. I'm coming just give me a second." My laugh hardly a breath. He hung up and I trudged my way to the door.
"This is why I can't take you anywhere you don't know how to wear pants." Mike gestured to my sleepwear which consisted off an oversized shirt and underwear.
"You know fully well how much I disagree with pants." I defended. He just laughed at me and he stepped into my apartment and seating himself on my couch. "Please, make yourself at home."
"I already have." He made a show of getting more comfortable as I made my way to my coffee machine.
"Noted." my voice barely a mumble as the machine whirred to life. "Want some coffee?" I asked.
"No, but I do have to ask you something." Mike said, looking over to me.
"Okay, hold on." I finished making my cup and then sat next to him biting my lip. I hadn't told Mike about Jaime and I but it was so new there really wasn't anything to tell but the idea of Mike knowing still made me nervous.
"Okay, so Pierce the Veil is going to L.A. for another record."
"Really? That's awesome!" I smiled and so did Mike.
"Yeah we're all pretty pumped. I just don't want to leave you behind on this one so I talked to the guys and we want you to come with us." Mike offered.
"You're kidding right?" It came out trivial. I wasn't sure if I was ready to be with four guys twenty four seven for a period of time but I could handle them, right? "I'd love to Mike but what about my job?"
"Don't worry about it we can cover your expenses and it's not for a while so you can save up and pay your rent in advance and have spending money. You won't get your own hotel room but you will get your own bed and it could be fun. It would be like when you lived with me and-" he started to ramble so I cut him off.
"Okay, I'll do it if you shut up."
"Good, because I'd never hear the end of it from the guys if you said no." he reached over to me and hugged me. "So, we're okay right? I know I was a little over bearing around Halloween."
"We're okay. I just need you to understand that I love you but the same way as a brother. I need you too much."
"I get it, it was just hard not to look at you and feel like I had to tell you that I love you. If it makes you more comfortable, I met someone. We haven't really talked much in person but I haven't stopped thinking about her and I really only feel friendship towards you now." he looked happy about liking this girl but there was still sadness.
"Okay, Dr.Phill." He made a face at my comment.
"Speaking of that, how is Group going?" He asked slowly, trying to be cautious.
"It's going good. I mean it this time, I've actually learned a lot and listened to them." I didn't tell him about Jaime. Both of us wanted to keep it from everyone so we can see where it goes.
"I'm glad, but also pissed 'cause you gave me a hard time but not them." He complained.
"Don't whine, you baby!" I stuck my tongue out at him and he smiled before his phone went off.
"That's Vic. He wants everyone to meet him at my parents place. You coming with me or do you wanna do your own thing?"
"My own thing includes the couch and Netflix." I pointed out. When I had made the comment I truly meant to stay home and have a date with my couch but Mike took me with him after a long protest about pants. It turned out to be a good thing because somehow in the middle of all the buzz for the new record, Vic was having a hard time focusing. The boys didn't have as long as they thought and Vic was getting major blockage on his lyrics. I got a chance to pull him to the side eventually.
"What's up? And don't tell me it's nothing." I looked him straight on. His eyes flickered and his mouth twitched in hesitation.
"You know that girl I'm always calling?" I nodded as a response. "I messed up. I messed up so bad, I don't think she could ever look at me again. I can't think about anything but her and it's like all of a sudden the words on the paper are jumbled up and I was never any good at word scrambles."
"Then write new ones." He looked at me like I had gone entirely mad. "If you can't get the emotions she gives you off your chest then work them out the way you do everything else. Write."
"It won't be ready in time!" He exclaimed.
"Neither will your other stuff if you can't focus on it. At least if you work out the ones you have now you can clear your head." He stood there looking blankly ahead for a while.
"You're probably right." He eventually, and reluctantly, agreed. My phone buzzed and I pulled it out to check my message.
"Exactly-" I cut short but Vic couldn't tell. I had a text from Max asking me to meet up with him. He had been texting me all this past week and it started to get annoying.

max this is enough. stop texting me.

i really need to talk to you.

I looked up to Vic. He seemed concerned. I gave him a small smile and came up with a conclusion.

fine. just this once you have to leave me alone after this okay?

Thats all i want.

"Who's that?" Vic asked me.

"An old friend. They need me to meet up with them so I'm gonna head out. You have my number if you ever need to talk more." I assured him. He nodded and I left with out the rest of the guys noticing. He only wanted to meet a few blocks away, at a park I had gone to a few times as a kid. We all grew up here and you'd think that it would leave a sense of nostalgia but I guess when you haven't gone to more than two hundred miles of the same town you tend to learn how to push the memories behind you. Max was already there when I reached the mulch. He looked different than he did Halloween. He didn't look as sickly but he was more sad. He looked up to me with wide eyes and I could see all the emotions swirling around in them.
"Hey Iris." His voice was so quite I almost didn't understand him.