Handprints on the Glass

Part 10:Letting Justin Go

Joanna sat on her son's chair next to the front window for the entire night. She closed her eyes here and there but never achieved the sanctuary of sleep.  The sun rose outside and shone through the window in front of her making Justin's tiny hanprints almost appear to glow.  She rubbed her eyes and tried to focus but her vision was still blurry. Sitting forward Joanna kissed her fingers and placed the kiss on her son's handprint.

I love you baby.   I'm so sorry I couldn't let you go, but soon honey, I promise.

Joanna went into the kitchen to turn on the coffee pot and start breakfast for Mark.  He had a half day of school today so that everyone could get home and ready for the big christmas concert in the auditorium tonight. She would have to call her mother and tell her that everyone had agreed to meet at apartment 3B at five o'clock to help her accomplish her mission.  She wondered if her mother had already stopped and bought the bottle of window cleaner. She wondered if her mother had already had the bottle just waiting for the day Joanna would ask for it. Whichever it was she would put off calling her for as long as she could. She wanted this day to drag on forever. She was determined to clean the handprints but still had no idea how she could make herself do it. She thanked God that her friends were going to be there to support her. She could not possibly do it without them.  Marky awoke and staggered into the kitchen half asleep.

Good morning sunshine! How are you feeling baby?

Ok momma. I didn't sleep too good last night. I kept thinking Justin was going to come see me again like he said he would. Every time I heard a noise like the wind or the house creaking I thought Justin would be standing by my bed again.

I'm sorry honey. I didn't sleep either. Today is such a big day, I guess I was just so excited I couldn't fall asleep. You have your concert tonight, and your big solo!

And don't forget the handprints momma. We can let Justin go to heaven today momma. You said that we would. Did you call grandma yet?

No honey I didn't. I am going to I promise ok? As soon as I get you off to school I will give her a call.

Momma? Can you please call her before I have to go to the bus stop? I don't want to be worried about it all day in school. Grandma has to bring the window cleaner so we can clean the handprints.

Joanna felt instantly ashamed of herself. Here she was a grown woman afraid to call her mother about window cleaner while her 8 year old son was steady as a rock.

Ok honey. You're right. I'm just stalling. I'm just so afraid honey. Thank God I have such a brave little boy like you baby. We will call grandma as soon as you get dressed for school ok?

Ok momma.

Marky ran to his room to get his clothes on so he and his mother could call grandma and be set for what they needed to do this afternoon. He quickly brushed his teeth and rushed back out to the living room still with 15 minutes till his bus would arrive.  Joanna called her mother and asked her to please be at apartment 3B by 5 oclock with the glass cleaner. Marky then got on the phone to talk to his grandma about the big concert that evening. She told him that he had practiced so hard and she was so proud of him. She said she just knew he would knock everyones socks off with his solo and she couldn't wait to hear it.  Mark asked her in a quiet voice if she thought his momma would be there to hear it too and she told him yes. They would make sure of it. With everyone around who loves her she would be able to clean the handprints and see him play his wonderful solo. Mark smiled as he told his grandma goodbye and that he loved her but in the back of his mind he still felt a nagging doubt. Would momma be strong enough to do it? She had to, that's all there is to it. Justin wants to go to heaven so he would do anything he could to make sure his momma would let him go.