The Raven

Unresponsive

"NO!" A familiar voice threw a deafening blast around the room.

"Try to understand, Sam, she isn't waking up. It's so unusual for any coma patient to be as unresponsive as she has been." This voice I don't recognise, it sounds deep and calming.

"UNUSUALLY UNRESPONSIVE?! HOW CAN SHE BE UNUSUALLY UNRESPONSIVE COMPARED TO ANY OTHER COMA PATIENT?!" Sam's voice made me wince back and I realised I was slightly afraid of him. Well, I winced in my mind.

"I don't know, she just doesn't even seem to register that we are here, the majority of coma patients show signs that they can hear us. For example, their heart rate would alter, however slightly, at the sound of their name for example. I thought she might have been able to hear us as all of our previous patients claim to have been able to either hear us or not remember."

"I'm not giving up on her." Sam hadn't calmed down much, with the side of frustration and anger tagging along at his now softened tone.

I don't understand. What are they talking about?

"She's been out of it for a whole year, Sam! We can't let this go on without any signs of improvement from her.

"But she has been improving, she has recovered from what happened before!"

"Well, it is true that her chest will not remain paralysed if she wakes up, but I don't know..."

"Please! please, just give her another few months!"Sam's voice was pleading now, a desperate edge to his tone.

"We have other patients to consider too, Sam and the hospital is a bit crammed at the moment, we can't really afford to waste a single bed."

"It won't be wasted! Please, just a few months more, she just needs time!"

"I-I-fine. But I'm gonna have to restrict the time to a month and a few weeks at most."

"Thank you! But how about nearer three months?"

A sharp sigh filled the air, "Okay, two months and that's stretching it."

"Sounds like a good deal to me. Thank you. For everything." Sam answered, apparently relieved.

I hear the low muttering of creaky footsteps, before the door closes and I know I am alone. I stare at the empty nothingness and wish that I could see beyond the blackness and jolt awake from this coma. Looking up at my closed eyelids, I start to feel drowsy again and I notice myself slip away into a fidgety sleep, where my mind scratches at the inside of my head, searching for a way back to Sam.

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"It'll be alright."

"Hush now, she's sleeping."

"Will she make it, you think?"

"We will let her go shortly."

I only heard bits and pieces of conversation over the next two months. Not enough to make sense of much anyway. A few snippets of laughter here and now, maybe a cool hand resting upon my cheek, a small kiss atop my forehead and the depressed atmosphere that filled the air constantly.

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I want to wake up. I thought I didn't care whether I lived or died, but I do. I want to wake up and visit my mum, tell her I'm sorry I left and that I love her. I want to visit my father's grave and thank him for being a good dad for the first two years of my life. I wanted to wake up and tell everyone how I felt about them. Especially Sam.

I have never been one for expressing emotions well. I had many emotions of course, but I just didn't know how to tell anyone how I felt. Being on the brink of death has changed that. I understand now that if I don't tell people how much I appreciate them, they will never truly know that I like them.

I also know that if you don't tell someone you love them, nothing can ever happen there. I do notice boys of course, but I would never be brave enough to ask them out. Besides, they were just little unimportant crushes. This is different. My love for him is eternal and forever. I am irretrievably in love with him and it's stupid because I'm so young and I know it's irresponsible, but I just can't help myself. Love is strange. It is absolutely uncontrollable. I can't help how I feel about him. There's nothing I can do now.

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Everybody says that death is the easy way out. I guess I agree. But it's not the best way out. Death is okay, life is better. For me anyway.

I don't want to die. Katerina and Sam are always here. Katrina goes home for the weekends, but Sam never leaves. They both tell me I need to wake up and find the will to open my eyes. And I have found the will. I just don't have the strength.

I don't know what it is I'm waiting for. I can't imagine why I would postpone waking up, there's nothing I'm worried about. Nothing I regret. I can't even remember why I came in here. I just know that I need to wake up. Soon.

But I can't. Everything, I have tried everything. Clearly nothing is working. Maybe I should give up. I wouldn't say I had a long life, it was reasonably short. But I will say I don't deserve it. My life was completely normal, wake up, go to school, come home, go to bed. Someone more important should take the life that I am using. I will let go now. I have been clutching at the light this whole time, I didn't realise I was standing on the edge of a cliff, either I keep reaching for the light and hope someone throws me a rope, or I step off the edge and give someone else a chance. I don't see any other thing to do. There's no other way from me now.

"She's going, her hearts slowing down. You need to leave so we can try to save her."

That is the last thing I will hear before I go.

I walk to the edge of the tall cliff, ready for what will come. Then, with a final thought about my beloved, I step into the vanishing darkness.

And as my first foot lifts over the edge, a handsome voice starts up in the background.