The Raven

Choosing Sides

My heart is pounding in my head. I don't know what to do. Everyone expects me to make the right choice, but what if I don't know what that is? Should I stay with my parents and fight for my kind? Or should I fly away with my love and hide? Well, what should it be? Am I a coward or a soldier? Am I good or bad? The questions aren't rhetorical, I want-no I need someone to answer them. I can't think. I need time, but I don't have any. I feel myself taking a step back away from Sam, away from my mother, my father, away from everyone. I can't choose between my family and, well my other family. So maybe I won't. I'm too young for all of this, I'm not grown up enough for all of this. How could I be at only 15? My adopted mother once told me that an adult isn't something that is made by age, but rather by experience. When I asked her what the word meant, she said it meant someone who had lived. I didn't understand what she meant at that point, but I do know. I realise now that someone who had 'lived', was-is someone who has faced at least 6 things. Sadness. War. Love. Grief. Happiness. Death.

So...Fight or flight?

I can't choose, so I guess I choose neither. I use one last burst of energy, hurling myself through the door and into the world outside. I don't look back, that would waste precious time. I will leave my past life alone. Leave Everyone I love alone. Friends. Lovers. Protectors. Companions. Family.

I will not hurt anyone else. Not ever. I close my eyes and try to imagine. Imagine a world free of monsters, free from good sides and bad sides. But I can't. And there never will be a world as such, not while I'm in it. I suck in a deep breath, and hold it for a moment. I am alone and that is good. Nobody else will be hurt because of me. No longer shall I be the destruction and downfall of others.

With one last thought of my past life, I disappear off the face of the Earth.