A Jump Changed Everything

Mom

"Can I... be a hero, too?" I had said, tears overflowing my eyes. I was only four years old, but my dreams had already been crumpled up and thrown in the trash. My scrawny little hands were shaking as I pointed to the computer screen, which displayed the Greatest Video of All Time™. I had watched All Might's debut probably a hundred times by then, but on that day its meaning changed. What was once a goal became a cruel reminder of what I could never be. My mother looked at me in horror. She never wanted to say no, but she also couldn't lie to my face.

She rushed to my side and wrapped her arms around me. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry!" she cried. No, that's not it. That's not it, Mom. That's not what I wanted you to say.

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Izuku feels a wave of emotions come over him as he steps into the visitor's center. There she is... his mom looks like she hasn't slept in days. Her green hair is unkempt. She didn't even bother to put it up. She's staring at the floor, eyes glassy. How long has she been here..? Two guards are positioned at each entrance. Izuku takes a stab and guesses U.A's not accepting walk-ins today.

"Mrs. Midoriya," Eraserhead snaps her out of it. She raises her head slowly, as if she's not fully awake. Her gaze weakly meets the teacher's before trailing down to her son.

"Izuku...!" she covers her mouth, horrified. The left side of his face has been completely mauled, inner muscles exposed and vulnerable. The destruction runs from his hairline to his bottom lip, highlighting the pain he went through. Inko rushes to his side, tears welling in her eyes. She brushes her hand over his wound. He recoils, stumbling when he realizes his hands are locked and he isn't balanced. "Oh, your eye!" she cries.

Izuku defensively raises his shoulders and looks away, as if that will somehow draw her attention away from it. "Don't..." he falters, not knowing what to say. Don't touch it? Don't look at me?

She pauses for a moment, stunned by his unusual reaction. He used to be so outgoing and expressive! (To her, at least.) Could it be that he was faking? She thinks about all the sweet moments in his childhood, ones where he jumped around the house and pretended to be a hero. There's no way he could have been faking that! So what... Of course, things have changed since they last met... it could just be the circumstances. Inko goes in for a hug, not caring if Izuku wants it or not.

At first, he doesn't know what to do. He can't hug her back; his hands are cuffed together. However, a few seconds pass and he leans into her touch. When's the last time he felt truly safe and loved? It had been a while.

His mother urges him over to the couch, still holding him in her arms. They need to talk. Before they make it there, Izuku bursts into a sob. His tears roll down his cheeks, leaving wet lines across his face. As they pour, his knees buckle. "Izu--!" Inko catches him in her arms.

They sit down, but he doesn't stop crying. It's his fault and now he has to face the consequences, but damn it he doesn't want to. It's weird not feeling tears on his left cheek- to an extent, that's his fault as well. What a lovely inconvenience to plop on the list of shit to blame Deku on. "Mom," he says in between sniffles, "I-"

"Izuku..." she interrupts him. "Why'd you do this?" He stops, stunned. The question hits him like a brick, and his thoughts become a garbled mess of excuses and dramatic flashbacks. His shoulders, which were shaking uncontrollably, still almost immediately. What the hell is he supposed to say to that? "I- I don't know why, but I can't stop thinking... Was it my fault?"

Oh, no. Oh no no no. He snaps up, horrified. "No!" he shouts, rather loudly if I say so myself. Which I do. You just read it. I'm just filling in words at this point. His mom flinches, caught off guard by his volume. "I'm sorry, it's just- How could you ever believe that?"

"So it wasn-"

"Of course it wasn't! You were the one thing keeping me from falling off the cliff the entire time!" he cuts her off, exasperated.

"Cliff...?" She sighs. "It seems there's a lot I don't know about you." Her expression makes Izuku feel isolated all of the sudden. It's subtle, but it's there: she moves away from him, just by an inch or two. His heart feels heavy.

"No, it's not like that! I'm still... me! I'm not that different..."

"You can't just say that," she looks away. No, no, no, no, he's losing her. "You are different. Look at you, handcuffed, wounded..." She looks him over and notices many old scars crisscrossing his arms. When did those get there? "Just... answer my question. Why? You spent so many years idolizing heroes, and you wanted to be one yourself so badly... What happened? Where? When did it all go wrong?"

"I think you know when," he glances at his feet, hazy visions of the edge of the rooftop passing over. Inko frowns. That was a dark time in both of their lives. They never brought it up in conversation.

"Oh... Oh, Izu-"

"I-It's fine," he stops her. He doesn't want to think about it. It's not fine. "Why I did what I did, though. That's a difficult question with a difficult answer."

"I'm listening," she tells him.

And so he tells her how Shigaraki saw him on the news and sought him out. They had ripped him straight from his hospital bed, IV's and all. He tells her about how scared he was, surrounded by the once small league of villains with no hope of escape. The darkness of their hideout made him wary, despite their welcoming attitudes. He tells her of the philosophy The Man had taught him, the plans they had made. Good vs. Evil, and how that meant nothing to either of them.

Izuku also tells her how he had been bribed with quirks. He had felt so dejected about his quirklessness that it only took a few words to convince him to take up their offer. They had brought him into the world of killing in exchange for power. He moved along, fueled by the hate he had been taught. Actively seeking out and murdering heroes he had once admired made him feel strong...

"What!? Is that what you really believe? Izu-"

"NO! No! Hear me out, okay?" he holds onto her arm.

"But that's wrong, that's completely wrong and I thought you would've kn-"

"Mom!" He stops her. "Listen. Let me finish."

He proceeds to tell her (after a rude interruption) that the effect of his newfound power had worn off quickly, and all that remained was immense guilt. It didn't take long to figure out what he was doing was completely evil. However, he didn't know how to fix his mistakes.

To keep the police off of his trail, he'd purposely change up his crimes. That way, every new incident would completely screw over the case. This kept him from getting caught, but it was tireless. It began taking a toll on his health, but he still couldn't stop. Everything was at risk. He felt pressured to keep it up.

What if he stopped and The Man found him and killed him? Bad, bad, bad. Izuku knew that by that point in time, he was nothing but a shell of a person. When he became Deku, he felt confident in his own skin... that kept him going.

There was so much keeping him from returning to civilian life, but as he looks back now, he realizes it was all out of cowardice. His anger had festered once, but it boiled away and all that was left was a scared little boy.

"So there you have it," he grumbles, ashamed. The room is dead quiet. His story had been overwhelming, sort of. "...Do you hate me?"

"No!" she reassures him. "I could never."

"Do you... forgive me?" he asks, suddenly terrified... what if...

"...I'm not sure."