Jealous Kitty | Marichat [[DISCONTINUED]]

Maybe They're Not Happy But Look It's Gooey

Warning - Dark themes such as suicide and self-harm in this chapter (also hi long time no see :) )

When Marinette saw Adrien rush out of class, she was concerned, to say the least. Adrien wasn't typically the type to run out of class unless he had a photoshoot right after. Even then, he always told his friends. Whatever this was, she knew it wasn't a work obligation.

But, she was even more bothered by what Nathanael told her.

You see, Nathanael Kurtzberg was suicidal.

He had been for a few years now, but very few people knew about it. One of these people was, of course, Marinette. Nathanael would often tell her when he was feeling especially bad; she would be able to stay with him and help him. One of her biggest fears was losing him.

So when he told her that he needed to talk to her about something important, she was, naturally, alarmed. Was he hurting himself again? Were his thoughts becoming uncontrollable? She wouldn't know until they made the trek all the way across town to Jean Luc's, a local food joint. This was where they typically held their serious meetings, and it was where they had had their first date.

When they finally arrived, they sat in their usual table in the back and ordered a couple drinks. Nathanael turned to Marinette once the waiter turned away, and he looked at her with pain in his eyes.

Nathanael spoke quietly, with a tone so soft you wouldn't have heard him unless you were truly inclined to; "Marinette... I really hate to tell you this..." he began, and she started to worry. "I... I, well, you know how I used to... hurt myself."

"Don't tell me," Marinette made eye contact. Her eyes strayed briefly to his arms, where she knew deep scars lie beneath his sleeves. Nathanael sighed deeply, pulling up his sleeve ever so slightly to reveal several red cuts across his wrist.

Marinette made a small gasp and looked away quickly. Nathanael was used to this response to his cuts, but, usually, Marinette could stand to look at them. To be honest, he was slightly hurt that she could not look. He believed it to be a special connection that he could share this deep part of himself with her with no shame. Maybe she didn't feel the same.

Why would he hurt himself again? I thought he was happy with himself now. Happy with me...

"Marinette... why can't you look? You could look before..." Nathanael's eyes strayed to the floor. He looked like a wounded dog, all curled into himself and defensive as if expecting pain. Marinette looked at him and saw how much her glances meant to him, and how he interpreted them.

"No, it isn't like that!" Marinette defended herself, "I didn't look because... well, when I saw them on you the first time, we had just started out, y'know? And I was helping you. But now..." Marinette looked up into his pooling eyes, "I thought I helped you. And I thought I made you happy. But, apparently, I didn't do either of those things."

"How could you think that? Of course, you helped me and you make me so happy every day, Marinette. I make myself unhappy. This is a me thing, not a you thing. Please don't think that way..." Nathanael leaned forward and pulled Marinette into his tight embrace. She shuddered, as did he. They were a mountain of warmth and sadness.

They left the restaurant with untouched drinks and emotional pain.

So um I'm the worst???

And I'm sorry I KNOW I promised November and I KNOW it's almost January but hear me out: I have a resolution for 2019: At LEAST (at the VERY VERY MINIMUM LEAST) One update a month. No. Matter. What. 

Ideally once a week, but what are you gonna do when you're being lazy.

Sooo... that's the chapter. Rest assured I'm already working on the new one and should be out by next week? this one is short but the new one will be longer. I know at this point you guys don't trust me about this stuff but please give me another chance on this. Just... please. I can and will do better.

Thank you guys so much for the support through all of his and I will see you in the NEW YEAR!!!

x

cinnamon toastiephoenix