Fearful || Downton Abbey

Part 6: Lady Mary

Stop thinking like that! It's wrong! It's wrong!  I think miserably. Anna could never return my sinful feelings. I hated to think of her so broken and beaten down, that's not the Anna I know. The Anna I know is always full of smiles and giggles, full of helpful suggestions and shy moments of eye contact. She always knew what to pick out for me to wear the following day and how to style my hair to perfection. She had been there in my times of desperation... Mr Pumuk... Mathew's death... I just wish she would let me be there for her in her time of desperation. I would do anything to make her forget what happened. Poor thing. She seemed so ashamed of what happened. I hope it wasn't someone's servant or even someone that I knew that forced themselves on her... The thought of Anna being forced into something as horrific as that makes my gut churn in the most horrid way. I hope she recovers at some point. I never asked her what I could do  I think sadly. I shake my head, trying to rid myself of these thoughts She's just a maid...  But she's your maid  "ARGH!" I grimace "Why me? Why me?" I gulp down the tears threatening to spill from my eyes and brush down my dress before leaving to go downstairs for supper. I spot Anna hiding in a corner after dinner had finally finished and flash her a warm smile, which she surprisingly returns. I head over to her "How are you faring Anna?" I inquire "Holding up Milady, thanks for asking" she replies. "I hope you won't think me rude but have you told Mr Bates?" I ask. "Told me what?" I hear Mr Bates ask from behind me and I spot Anna shrinking into a corner. I turn to face her husband "Only that me and Anna are heading into London next week to do some dress shopping for the next season. I thought she would have told you about it before now, she seemed very excited at the prospect when I spoke to her about it earlier" I lie smoothly and Mr Bates smiles sadly "My wife no longer tells me anything your ladyship. Now if you'll excuse me, I best go and get the clothes ready for his lordship" and with that he limps away. "Anna? You need to tell him" I say, raising an eyebrow at her, which causes her to flush and bow her head "Excuse me Lady Mary, I suddenly remembered I left your dress downstairs" she stutters before hurrying off through the green door and vanishing into the servants quarters... 

Sometime passes before Anna reappears and she seems shocked to find me waiting for her. "Milady? Is everything alright?" She asks and I shake my head "No, I need your advice Anna" I confess "What is it Milady?" She inquire, her big brown eyes pleading with me to tell her the truth "not here Anna, I can't tell you here" I mutter "I'll tell you once the gong goes" and as if on cue the gong rings out through the house. I head up to my room, Anna is following hot on my heels, the second we get into my room she closes the door and sits herself down on the bed beside me. She glances at me "What's wrong Lady Mary?" she asks "Mary. Don't call me Lady Mary" I murmur and Anna nods "If that's what you wish Mila... Mary" she stutters. "What was it you needed my advice on?" she queries and I flush "I like someone" I confess bowing my head in shame "There's no need to be ashamed Lad... Mary" Anna says grasping my hand softly. I'm starting to get dizzy from the closeness of Anna but my body refuses to move away, instead it does quite the opposite. Anna doesn't seem to mind that I am leaning against her shoulder. "Mary?" she mutters and I glance at her "Yes Anna?" "Who is this person you like? If you don't mind me asking Mil... Mary". I sigh "They'll never love me back" "You don't know that Mila... Mary" Anna replies, her voice sounding oddly hopeful, I glance up at her and raise an eyebrow "Whatever do you mean by that Anna?" I ask and my maid blushes "Only that you don't know that they don't like you because you haven't told them Mary" "Yes but if I tell them, they may end up hating me forever..." "Milad...Mary?" Anna inquires gently "Besides I'll get exiled from my own house should Mama and Papa every find out" I mutter and Anna laughs "Your parents would never do that because you like someone". "Yes they would Anna... I know they would" "Why on earth....?" "Because I like a girl Anna.... She's kind and thoughtful and beautiful and totally illegal to love the way I do but..." I break off. Anna doesn't way anything, just starts stroking my hair. I dare to glance at her and to my surprise she's looking thoughtful. "Anna? Say something... anything" I say and she glances down at me, her brown eyes filled with hope and care "I feel the same way Milady..." she confesses hardly daring to meet my eyes and I blink "Anna?" "Since I was a little girl... I married Mr Bates because he would be able to support me and I hoped this feeling I had would just go away... but it hasn't... Mr Green only made it worse"... I sit up "Mr Green? Oh my... Anna! He did... oh my gosh! Why didn't you tell me?" I cry and Anna leaps up guiltily "I'm sorry Milady... I mean Mary...." and with that Anna dashes from the room her hand over her mouth for the second time in one day...