Psh "Story Of My Life"

When it started tumbling down

12/6/13

Why does everyone hate me? Every day is a continuance hell trying to figure out who I am. Being in the fifth grade is harder than I thought. Every day, every week, every year I feel as if everything just gets harder for me.

I get picked on everyday at school; everyday at school just for me being me. "Your fat and your teeth are brown!" They would tell me, like I haven't been hearing that for all my life. When people pick on you they believe that there insults are original, like you haven't heard the same thing over and over again since the day you were born. Like you don't see the problems everyday when look into the mirror. Like you can help the things that are wrong with you.

I wish someone loved me sometimes you know. Or at least maybe I could see that at least one person CAN love me. Maybe even they cared a little. Sometimes I wish that I was never born.

My dad just married a new girl named Jessica and I'm pretty sure she hates me. I'm not allowed to sleep with my door opened either because my dog could pee in there. Yet how am I suppose to sleep with the door closed with my nightmares? Every night when I fall asleep I feel as if I'm in 1st grade again.

Like one day "she" is gonna show up in my room again.

Like "she" is just gonna one day barge into the door to my bedroom, how "she" use to when my dad was at work, and pour water on my head and tell me to sleep standing up.

Maybe one day again "she" will lock me in the closet and tell me not to speak.

Again "give me a bath" while seeing how long "she" can stick my head underwater.

I don't want to live with this constant fear anymore of being rejected again by the people around me. I mean is it normal for a kid this age to be suicidal by all the things that have traumatized her past?

I liked this guy named Chad on the bus but I'm pretty sure he didn't like me back. Chad was in the fifth grade too and the prettiest of the chocolates I liked to say. (Hopefully that isn't racist since I was complimenting his skin lol but anywaysssssss.) Last week (fifth grade year) he told me that if I give him a little bit of my candy out of the big bag I was holding in my hand that I got from the teacher at school, that he would marry me.

Obviously I gave him the whole bag besides the three pieces of snickers I decided to keep for myself.

I have no clue who this guy is today lmao.

Lets just say that after I gave Chad this candy that he completely ignored me forever (hehe in till middle school but I will get to that later. ;))

TMI but after this whole event of Chad and everyone hating me, It was summer time!

During this time I had my period and boiiiii I was so excited (actually no wait I was terrified lmao because I never had sex ed and me bleeding out of my vagina was me dying so I screamed and ran out of the bathroom with my pants down). Anyways AFTER I got explained the whole "your turning into a lady" thing by this new lady in my life I was fine. Intillllllll I started having cramps and then I realized that the idea of puberty was great, and getting boobs and shit was great. Yet at the age of 11 it kind of sucks especially when everyone hates you and you feel that no one is gonna ever want to imprint on you.

So yeah were now gonna go into my 6th grade experience so

Stay strong

Stay sour

Peace