Psh "Story Of My Life"

I know you want me to finish

I'm sorry I have been so fucking busy with all this fucking drama in my life so I'm gonna go ahead and rant before I start freshman year :).

1/19/18

No one understands me and its so frustrating. I'm always suppose to be the happy friend you know? The one that's a little too dramatic and is the fun one to be around.

I have done a lot of shitty things in my life and I'm a open book about it. I feel that the human population should be able to respect me for my mistakes and just know that I have learned from them. Especially if their your friends.

So you know that in my earlier chapter I talked about Paige. The really pretty one that I was friends with in middle school. Well I did something really horrible to her freshman year and I will never be able to get that forgiveness back.

I made out with her boyfriend Chris in his car.

Now you may be thinking wow this bitch, and yes that it is a comment that is extremely accurate right now. I'm not proud of what I did, but I never fucking got to tell my side of the fucking story.

So me and Chris were friends before they started dating. She would literally come to me and ask for advice when she did not know something about him that she thought was important.

So of course I would answer he questions and text Chris just to tell him that I told her this information because I cared about both of them (Chris is 2 years older than me and Paige btw).

So one day I was texting Chris and he asked me if I wanted to get food after school one day. Honestly I said yes because I did not think anything of it and we were good friends. So of course in my mind I did not think anything was going to go down.

So after school I was waiting in the school parking lot for him to pick me up. As I got in the car I saw that his face looked a little uneasy but honestly at the moment I was so chill so I just did not care. I did not ask him any questions about it.

So after a while of sitting in silence I finally started a conversation about general things about him and Paige and everything.

That's when he said that he needed to talk to me about him and her.

Our conversation stopped as soon as we pulled up to McDonalds.

After getting our food he asks me if I would like to go to park to eat. Of course I did not mind so I said yes and we made our way to the park in his car.

As I'm sitting there eating my food in his car (we never got out and their was no one around ) I see him occasionally glance at me from the side. Then he starts talking about their problems in the relationship. Honestly at this moment I felt very out of place and I really did not want him talking to me about it but of course I did not want to be rude.

I should probably mention this because this is important but me and Chris are both in the front seat of the car (him in the driver seat and me on the passenger). My burger is in my hand while my French fries are on the side of me farthest away from him.

So all of the sudden out of the blue he stops mid sentence and asks for a French fry.

Of course I was not gonna deny him a French fry so I went to go get one for him. As I turn my body though, he interrupts my French fry getting to get one himself. So to do this he grabs on to the side of my waist and leans his body over the front of my chest to grab a French fry on the opposite side of me.

When I could of fucking got it for him and none of this would of ever happen.

So after that moment I still don't really know what is going on. Yet as we start to get deeper and deeper in conversation he starts to get a French fry once again.

Yet instead of getting the French fry he stops halfway there and turns to look at my face.

At this point he is inches away from me and my breath becomes shallow. I can feel the intimacy and honestly I just want it to stop. I don't want to mess up.

Yet as he gets closer and closer with his lips almost touching mine I feel almost vulnerable, and then it happens.

At first, the kiss was soft and steady but then it was almost electric it felt as our lips were playing some game of merry go round and it was actually enjoyable. As I allowed his tongue to betray my mouth, I began to think about what I was actually doing. My adrenaline was rushing and I felt the rush getting to my cheeks as a shade of red.

Yet then I finally came to the conclusion on what I was doing and I stopped.

"We cant do this" I replied in almost a whisper. I was hot and sweaty and I felt on fire but I am not stupid. As I said these words with him inches away from my face, with his breath hot on my neck, with his hands on my waist, it felt almost irresistible.

Yet as I said it I could feel his hands removing from my waist as he returns them to the wheel. I knew he felt exactly what I was feeling. So as soon as we came he jumped in the seat and he took me home.

......

As I got home I was trying to find the right thing to do. I wanted to tell her, I mean hell, she was my best friend I needed to tell her. Yet at the same time I knew she would never forgive me and that was also something I was afraid of.

So I called her and I told her that we kissed.

Then she hung up on me.

Then she unfriended me.

Then she FUCKING STAYED WITH HIS ASSSDSDVJGSKNMGSLKNGS;MG;GF.

AND DO YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT ELSE I NEVER GOT TO TELL ANYBODY. HE FUCKING TEXTED ME LIKE 457598943838035 TIMES AFTER THAT WANTING TO HOOK UP WHILE HE WAS WITH HER.

LIKE WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK.

Let me remind you that this was 2 years ago and me and her don't talk what so ever any more. Its even more awkward because we are in the same friend group.

They also broke up summer of 2018 so it really does not matter to me. She's never gonna know that her boyfriend was a lying, cheating, scum.

I'm not saying I'm not in the wrong. I did kiss him back and I did enjoy it. Yet I FUCKING told you what I did. I put my heart on the line and I did not keep it from you.

Then you threw it on the ground.

And you picked the tin can without the heart. (Fucking chris).

So the reason I have told you this today is basically because she is DESTROYING MY LIFE STILL. THE ONLY THING THAT SHE KNOWS ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED IS WHAT FUCKING CHRIS TOLD HER. Just to fucking keep her.

So lfnodfnronronrspkndpknskdnksknlrkrglkgrn she is stealing all the people I thought were my friends now, and she is holding a grudge for god knows how long. Its honestly fucking ridiculous. What's gonna be even more funny is that when this book gets out there, there's gonna be so many comments about how this is my fault.

What would you do if there was a really hot guy on top of you literally jumping into your mouth?

YOU DONT KISS THEM BACK BECAUSE YOU LOSE EVERYONE AROUND YOU.

Ill rant more later I am to lazy rn.

That's my update for today. :)