Psh "Story Of My Life"

8th grade year

I did not find out that my dad was not my real dad till I was 8 years old that year.

So one day I was sitting in my room ( it was about 2 months after the incident with my mom; I'm still 8) and my dad handed me the phone and said that it was my mother. Of course I was super happy considering that it was my mom and I felt as if I haven't talked to her in forever. (After the incident with my psychotic family, my dad did not allow me to speak with my mom for around two months considering all that happen. We did not have any legal hearings at that point) my dad handed me the phone and I listen to swift sounds of clatter in the background before I actually heard her speak.

I will never forget this moment because it is the last time that I will ever hear her voice again.

We talked a lot about how she was doing and how her life was going. She sounded really sad. We talked a lot about me for a second before she said that she had something important to tell me.

"Baby I have something to tell you and I want you to know that everything is going to be ok" I can tell that her voice was breaking a little.

"Well what is it" I asked, at that point I was just thinking that she was coming to get me and all of this would be over.

Then she told me something that would change me and my dads life forever.

"Honey I hate to be the one to tell you (she paused for a second) but your dad is not your real dad."

Now at this age its very hard to comprehend anything that is going on around you and that comment struck me a little off. Now I could go on and on about this forever and tell you all my feelings and details on how this affected my life but will it really help me? Will this event in my life really help tell how the story played out? The answer is no. So instead I'm gonna shorten it up a little bit so I can state the after story.

Basically I got off the phone and started crying and asked if all of this was true and my dad of course had to agree. He was not going to keep me in a lie. At the time I did not know much about it but now I do. My mom cheated on my dad while my dad was off at seas in the Air Force. She got pregnant with this Latino guys baby (which is me) and my dad still married her because it was a one night stand and he was not gonna leave me without a dad. So here I am.

But sometimes I just want to die?

WERE GOING BACK TO 8TH GRADE YEAR NOW

So when I found out she died I literally couldn't do anything but be upset. I couldn't talk and I became an obsessive eater. I ended up going to her funeral and I officially met my 11 year old sister Addison!!! (She is my half sister of course but she did come out of the same mom as me and I was never able to meet her because she also lived with her dad) she lives in Colorado.

I also started to become much close to my moms family after a while of getting used to them again. They were all sobbing when I came to the funeral and I felt like I didint really know anybody.

Let me put you in my world. Have you ever been out with your friends and your friends are hanging out with people that you do not know, and you have to act like everything is fine even though you literally want to kill yourself because no one is paying attention to you.

Yeah that was me........ at my moms funeral......

But anyways let me just tell you some of the after's of my moms funeral and if you have any questions leave it in the comments and I will do a follow up.

Anyways I became a HUGE "guy getter" after all this shit happen like it was really bad. I literally started to flirt with everyone just to get away from my feelings that were happening inside me. I'm not even joking when I say that I literally had 16 boyfriends that year.

See also its really funny because you know now that I look back on that shit I'm literally just like what the fuck lmao.

Cause honestly having a boyfriend did not do ONE SINGLE THING FOR ME. See I had this fear and its called Philemaphobia and its the fear of kissing. Which means that I did not kiss ANY of them because I was so afraid.

I would literally date one guy one day and the next day be like "Your just not good for me" or "you don't call me" like what the fuck I didint even have a phone they couldn't call me even if they wanted to. What was I doing? I did not even go on a date with any of them I just acted like we were dating in school! Yet I can say that I had one serious relationship.

So I had my first kiss the end of 8th grade year which was prettttyyy great; I never thought a kiss could be so great in my life.

So I like this boy named Blake Ross and he was the most country, frat, southern, whatever boy that you can ever meet. He had a on and off crush on me but he was just so fucking short you know? That irritated me.

Anyways him and this boy named Landon McDonald both lived in my neighborhood and JESUSSSSS he was some fucking hot.

He had blonde hair and was tall and was 2 years older and hfiepnwfenwgpiwhnpifnw he was like an angel. Well everyday I would go and take the dogs out as soon as I get home. I would go to the park and he would be practicing his skateboard and we would walk and talk and whatever.

So basically one day he tried to kiss me on the sidewalk with my dogs and I pushed him away and was like stop.

He was really confused and was wondering why I stopped him. I told him that he was gonna be my first ACTUAL FRENCH kiss and I was fucking afraid. Yet then after that I guess he didint care because I had the best kiss of my life.

HAHA and then my dad showed up on his motorcycle.

Then I had to break up with him.

But stories for different days.

So after that I decided that my parents were after me and were trying to ruin my whole life forever and that was not gonna fly with me so you know what I did???? I rebelled and I got a back up phone that my friend gave me.

When I got that phone I was excited and I felt like the whole world was on my side. I was scared my parents would find it though because they always find everything. So here were my hiding spots.

I had a hiding spot in a boot, in a piñata, behind a thick painting hanging up behind my wall, I cut a slit inside my bed that my sheet covered, inside of a rectangle alarm clock (unscrewed the bottom of my alarm clock it was pretty neat), Inside a teddy bear and buttoned it back up, in a makeup bag, in my dresser, and everywhere you could think of.

I have had 10 burner phones that I have bought from people at school that my parents have magically found.

Don't be me and please do not do that. Anyways because of this incident I had everything taken away me 8th grade year. I had so much taken that they literally took my bed and dressers and I was still rebelling. I kept trying to find new places and hoping that one day I just wouldn't be caught.

Yet at the time I was so young and so ignorant and I didint know how this emotionally effected me. I started cutting myself more than ever and trust me I'm not one of those people I didint do it for attention. I did it on my hips because honestly I just wanted to make sure I could feel pain because I felt emotionless all the time. I felt alone and I was crying out for help in every way but no one could see me. I felt like I was drowning but everyone around me could breath.

At this moment in time I am almost 17. At this time I was 13. Imagine how much someone can mature at a 4 year time span and look at me now.

Hopefully you read my book long enough to get there.

Stay strong

Stay sour

Peace