You got a message from My Favorite Lesbian (Draco).
Yeah, I'm not even gonna check that.
You have (2) messages from My Favorite Lesbian (Draco).
Oh god, stop.
Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz.
You have (76) messages from My Favorite Lesbian (Draco).
FINE I WILL CHECK THESE FUCKING MESSAGES.
My Favorite Lesbian: r u goin to the party tonite
My Favorite Lesbian: r u goin to the party tonite
My Favorite Lesbian: r u goin to the party tonite
My Favorite Lesbian: r u goin to the party tonite
My Favorite Lesbian: r u goin to the party tonite
I won't go to that party, but I won't tell him that. He'll be heartbroken.
Pansy: ye sure ill go
My Favorite Lesbian: ur not goin r u
Pansy: ugh no i dont wanna
My Favorite Lesbian: mione will be there
Pansy: im there
Okay, Hermione will be there. I NEED TO DRESS WELL. WHERE'S THE FUCKING CLOSET. This is what I'm wearing. (A/N: not the hair tho)
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~~~At the party~~~
I look around... where the fuck is the SNACC? Draco walks up to me.
"Ayyy, Pansy, what's up?" He says, with his pet, Harry, on his arm like a bracelet.
"Where is Hermione?" I say, impatiently.
"Over there." He points over to the bar. I see her. She looks amazing. She was wearing this outfit.
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She was halfway through a... what the fuck kind of drink is that? Is that... a Shirley Temple? Okay, what the fuck. She saw me staring... FUCK. Guess I gotta go talk to her.
"Hey, Mione," I say, the most fucking awkward intro ever.
"Hey," she says quietly and amazingly. She's so pretty.
"Whatcha drinking?" I ask, pointing at the mystery drink. (It's probably a Shirley Temple)
"Oh, a Shirley Temple," BINGO! Gotta fix this.
"Can I get two shots of tequila?" I ask the bartender. (A/N: The bartender is Dean)
Once I get the shots, I give one to Hermione. She hesitates.
"N-no. No, thanks," she says. I respect that.
"Ah, next time maybe," I down both of them. She looks at me, stunned.
"Woah, that's dangerous. You're underage," she stares at me for a bit.
"Yeah, but I do this all the time," I respond a bit guiltily.
"That's illegal."
"No shit, Sherlock," I say with a chuckle, she blushes. I order another shot of tequila. She stares again.
"Give me one," she says, hesitantly.
"Honey, no. You're a good girl," I don't want to poison her.
"Please," She says in a whiny tone. Ugh, she's so cute. I can't resist.
"Fine, but I'm only getting you a beer."
"Okay, fine."
"Bartender. Some beer," he hands her a beer. I watch her sip it. It's so cute. She doesn't know what to do with it. I laugh.
"What's wrong?" She inquires.
"It's nothing, you just look so stressed with that bottle in your hand!" I laugh more. She starts to laugh, too. We laugh for a while. I order another shot.
"Bartender, get me the same," she says.
"Hermione, no."
"Pansy, yes," she gets the shot. Immediately, she downs it, bottoms up. I stare at her. She gives me a funny look.
"Did I do something wrong?" She looks genuinely worried.
"You've taken shots before," I say, stunned.
"Fuck, is it obvious?" She says, jokingly. "I've never taken shots before."
"How could you drink that so easily?"
"I see it in movies and shit. But yeah that was very, VERY strong." We both ordered another one, and another, and another. After a while, her words start to slur and she stops making sense. Oops, she wasted as fuck. She reaches for her back pocket and takes out her phone. This won't end well.
"I'm gonna *burp* text Ron," she says. FUCK, Super-Pansy to the rescue.
"Honey, no. Don't do that, that's a bad idea," I try to take the phone from her.
"Why, I love him." Oof.
"Honey, he cheated on you."
"Stop. I love him. He loves me. I know it," She says. Oh, god give me the fucking phone.
"Please, honey, give me the phone," I reach my hand out. She shakes her head. I hear the whoop of the message being sent.
"Fuck!" I say.
"It's okay I'--" *Thump* oh, god. She fell over. She's unconscious. Guess I got to take care of her. I put her over my shoulder and try to find Harry to help. Where is he? Found Draco.
"Draco, where's Harry?"
"I have no idea, he wandered off after his first few THOUSAND shots," He says, evidently looking for him, too.
"Then what am I supposed to do with this?" I motion towards the ragdoll-like Hermione on my shoulder.
"I have no fucking idea, take her to your dorm," he says, annoyed. I carry her to the girl's Slytherin dorm. I put her on my bed. She sleeps so soundly, it's very cute, but where the fuck am I supposed to sleep? Fine, I'll sleep on the couch.
~~~The next morning~~~
I wake up with a pounding headache. Ugh, hangover's suck. I go to the kitchen and grab a cup of coffee. I grab my wand and immediately resolve the hangover. I sip my coffee. Fuck, who burned this? I think. It's disgusting. I throw it out and brew another pot. I decided to check in on Hermione. Before I did, I made some bacon and eggs, plus strudel and pie, so she can choose what she wants. The finishing touch, some cocoa. (A/N: Queenie is my queen)
"New pot of coffee is ready, fuck yes!" I grab another cup and gulp some amazing coffee. Okay, I'm distracted, time to check on Mione. I walk into the room and see that she woke up. I look her straight (A/N: GAY) in the eye. (A/N: that joke is from CemoraTheSupremeMeme, she's better than me, follow her)
"Hey, sleepy-head," I say, cooly, as to not make her stressed or anxious. She's bright red. Gotta fix this.
