Shadow Effect

A Less than Desirable Assignment

July 27, 2010, see a younger Nala Snowe. That'd be me, by the way. Age 35 seems young to me now, but I was still past my prime in 2010. That's what ages 18 through 25 roughly are described as. I did not see the lure if we're being honest. My emergence into adulthood entailed new-found responsibilities and existential worries, and I didn't like it. This was the late 1990s. I love music, and there were some alright tunes out those years. However, I can only remember that time as being uneventful for me. Depressing, really. I struggled with my emotions for most of the 90s and that would continue into my early adulthood come the 2000s. Mental health was not what it is now. I've never had a documented diagnosis, but depression and anxiety aren't hard to spot.

Thinking back, I was probably more than depressed. It was more like my mind was just against me. I used to think of my negative emotions in weird ways like that. I'd sometimes picture what my mind would look like, and I'd imagine it resembled a toxic, swamp-like wasteland. Like what a radioactive disaster would look like in the cartoons, green sludge and all. I'm sure it would be considered flawed logic. I can't say what helped me. I don't have a success story for you about how therapy, exercise, or religion saved me. Whatever condition I have isn't gone, but a more stable life and less stressful job decreased my breakdowns. Maybe it was age. These emotions led me to some actions that I would regret forever, which will become relevant later.

Anyway, I got a job at a department store when I was 22 and was married to my husband by 23, after having dated three years. He really is the best thing that had ever walked into my life. I never thought I'd get married before we did, because I'd already lost a lot of those close to me at a young age. I would find myself in the position of Assistant Store Manager 12 years later, which brings us to 2010. No, it was not exactly my dream job, but it provided me a sufficient income and I was good at it. A lazy person but trusted worker I was, always in good graces with my supervisors. Most people would consider that a valuable skill, but they say that when you're too good at your job, you get to do everyone else's.

Once I'd gotten into management, I was required to travel for work at least once a year. Our store employees travelled both internationally and within the United States. My local store was in Maryland. For the past three years, I'd been able to go to some lovely destinations, all out-of-country. You were required to attend sales meetings during the day, but were free to play at night. My accommodations had been in close proximity to tourist spots and resorts, and I looked forward to the traveling for this reason. Plus, each manager was allowed one person on the trip and I would take my husband, until that year. He began a new job and was only allotted one week's paid vacation for the first year. We needed that time for the winter holidays. Those were spent at his brother-in-law's, who was loaded, in Massachusetts. The fact that he couldn't go with was a downer, and I also didn't love the idea of traveling alone. But it was work, and I had to go.

I would receive my assignment in late July. Managers would leave then in early August for one week and return to help with back-to-school items. My supervisor Justin approached me wearing an expression that I didn't like. It looked like he was about to tell me something I wouldn't be happy about, plus he didn't have the papers in hand that would normally outline my trip.

"Hey Nala, just wanted to thank you for helping Department Manager Barb figure out those modules. Somebody really botched that, ain't. I should've had you make them" he said thoughtfully. This was worse than I thought. He's brown-nosing me right now. I never took his crap though, because I had actually been the one to train him 12 years ago. I knew him before he was Store Manager and we worked together for a long time. I always showed respect, but he was a total dork in my eyes. His shortened name at work was "Jutt". How stupid. "My pleasure, I wouldn't want you to have to sacrifice sitting in your chair all day long" I responded playfully. He forced a laugh and asked me to come with him for a minute.

We took the elevator to the second level of the store where our offices are located. We slid into seats across from each other. I prompted him to skip any other conversation starters and to tell me about my work travel assignment.

"I am actually gonna have you do something different this year" he says. Oh? He reminds me that we are very short-staffed. I was quite aware, as I'd had to step in and help with new hires.
The company wanted me to do an investigation of a store this year instead of sales. Apparently, it was suspected that two members of security and a sales associate, all hired at the start of the year, were running a theft operation. There were high instances of stolen items. All the items were written up as so and placed in claims, which is the protocol for when you find a container without its product inside, or tags ripped from clothing. So, they covered themselves, but the managers had narrowed it down to these three people of interest.

I was to act as a new hire and work the closing shift with said suspects. Management was aware of my real reason for being there; I was undercover, I guess. Sounds exciting, but I felt the opposite about it. This store was located in a small, more rural California town. Our department store location there was the only place close to shop for the locals. This was disappointing. I felt it was out of my element, but my boss fought hard to encourage me. I was more than qualified to do it, I was a valuable asset to the company.

I didn't feel there was much of a choice. Jutt had held me hostage in his office for almost 45 minutes now. He was giving me a headache and I had things to finish if I would get out of there on time that day. I accepted the paper instructions and took them to my office at the end of the hall, around one turn and away from all others. I used to really enjoy that. So quiet.

I would make my depart on August 4, roughly two weeks away. I wish that I would have worked a bit harder to talk my way out of that trip, or even quit the job then. But, I didn't know.