little one

chapter sixteen

*pictured above is sebastian's gamma alexei

beta-second in command

gamma- third in command

thetas- warriors

hey guys! sorry, my uploads have been a little sporadic! i was wondering if you guys would be interested if i made a video reacting to comments and stuff? also if anyone is interested in possibly making a cover i would love that! also, i'm thinking of including more of how werewolves work in my world, by thea learning from like a pack elder? thoughts? thanks

-ej

*also be prepared for the feels, they're real in this chapter. this chapter makes me feel unbelievably single. *laughing while crying internally* lol

thea's pov

It's been about a week since my anxiety episode, and Sebastian's been restless.

I know it hurts him to see me in pain, especially when there's not anything he can do about it. I didn't know as much as I would like about my people, but what I did know was Alpha's struggled more than most males when it came to their mates. These men appear to the world as powerful, and unshakable, but everyone has a weakness. The only person an Alpha male will ever submit to, the only person they will ever bare their neck for, is their mate. All werewolves cherish their mates, but it was well known that Alpha males take it to another level. They know better than most the dangers of the world, and it was well known that an Alpha's mate was their biggest weakness. It's not an uncommon thing in our history for rogues or enemy packs to use the Luna as leverage with the Alphas. One of the quickest ways to start a war among wolves? Hurting an Alpha's mate.

Not all Alpha males hold the official title, some are even Beta's and Gamma's, but all hold some position of power in a pack.

I hate seeing Sebastian struggling, and the fact that I'm the cause of it is almost too much to bear. I know I need to talk to him about it, no relationship can survive without communication, mate bond or not. Us not communicating was only making us both miserable, and Sebastian was clearly struggling. Though he made an effort to hide it, his protective and caring nature never wavered. Sebastian was already finding it hard to cope with the condition he found me in, his protective instincts in overdrive, but after my anxiety episode, he was seemingly in a battle with his own mind.

He somehow worked things out with Jace so that we never crossed paths. I know he was only trying to protect me, but wrapping me in bubble wrap, and hiding me from my fears won't solve anything. I knew logically that neither Jace nor his mate Acacia held any resentment towards me, but logic and emotions tend to be at war in my brain. I really wanted to get to know Acacia, and I can't help but long for the hope that I might find a family here in this pack. I'll never be able to be the Luna he deserves, that this pack deserves if I don't face what scares me.

We've both been walking on eggshells with each other, neither having the guts to bring it up. He, scared to upset me, and I had no idea how to approach it, but enough was enough. If I want Sebastian to know I felt like he saw me as broken, that I worried he'd never see me as a woman, a mate if I never said it how can I expect anything to change? He can't read my mind. Well... not yet anyway. But that's semantics ;)

*

We sat at the kitchen counter, Sebastian, as he'd done since I'd got here, was holding me in his lap as we ate. He never failed to amaze me. Even though he was clearly worried for me, he never hesitated to show his feelings for me. Ever since I'd told him during my "episode" that his constant affection made me feel safe, he reminded me daily how much he cherished me. Not just through his words, but his actions. He always made sure I ate, and though I wasn't eating as much as a normal wolf he made sure I ate plenty of snacks. Paying close attention to what I liked the most. Even though he didn't want me to feel like I had to do anything for him, he let me have free reign of the kitchen to cook or bake whatever I thought up. He'd rave about anything I made, acting as if it was the best thing he'd ever eaten. Maybe, I would have believed him if he didn't react the same way every time, but it was sweet. He never gave me a chance to doubt his feelings, making sure I knew, through his adoring compliments, and his absolute attention and affection. I did my best to make sure he knew I appreciated him, asking him about his day, helping him with the paperwork he so hated, and making sure I showed him my feelings through affection as often as I could muster the courage to. Just because he's a big bad Alpha man, doesn't mean he doesn't crave affection like you or me. Everyone needs to be shown, love.