little one

chapter twenty-nine

acacia's pov

My worst nightmare was becoming a reality.

My father was involved.

My stomach sunk as the shame washed over me. My father was involved in all of this.

That nagging feeling I had had in the back of my head ever since we started looking into this, wasn't just a paranoid thought.

It was a reality.

He hated me that much.

My very existence angered him to the point that he was, from what has been said, an integral part in the mass murder of an entire pack.

What do I do to him to create such anger, such hatred?

My Father, as gracious as he was allowing me to live, gave me a way to a couple to be raised in secrecy. Too embarrassed to let anyone know that he created a defect like me.

Yet that wasn't enough.

I guess he couldn't risk his dirty little secret being let out of the closet.

So he got rid of me.

The how and the why are still in question. Was my Father the leader? Or merely just a pawn in someone else's game?

Was he a part of my kidnapping? Did he really sit by and aid those who kidnapped and tortured his daughter?

Why?

What is so wrong with me, with Thea that they treated us like we were nothing. It goes without saying that at the core the attacks seemed to relate to our weaker status as runts.

I am a runt.

I know what it means in theory. I'm a smaller wolf, weaker, and less immune to sickness, but I find it hard to believe that God created us simply to be defects. I have to believe that. God was there in that cell with me. He was there for me throughout all the hell that I had endured. Prayer was my only solace then. I know some don't understand how to believe in something you cannot see, but the feeling of God's love is unexplainable. I don't think I would have survived had I not felt his presence. Heard his whispers of hope. I held onto those whispers, praying them to be true, but it became more difficult not to succumb to the doubts. I was angry at God at times. Not understanding how he could let children endure such brutality. But God has a plan. And even though sometimes I'd scream at him, asking "Why? Why must I have to endure so much?" I knew. Still, I believed in his love because I knew he had to have a bigger plan in mind. My suffering would not be for naught.

So what will be my impact on the world?

I need to believe that I might actually have a purpose.

To believe, that I might be more than just a defective wolf. I can only hope that I might be worth something.

I need to make an impact on my world, I cannot just sit back and merely be.

Is that too much to hope for?

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sorry for the chapter y'all but I felt like this was seperate from a chapter and this was more of a look into acacias inner dialogue. the guilt and shame she feels. the next chapter is... gonna be a bit... how do I say??? enlightening? some things will come to light. and I'm planning on making it an incredibly long chapter so... get ready.. but it will take me a bit because my mental health and school take priority but I'm still working don't give up on me!

thanks y'all,
-ej