A Little Less Lonely Together

CHAPTER 20 (I'm sorry)

"You agreed to that marriage?" I can't believe how much of a sneaky bastard this Edward really is. Paano niyang nalaman na umuwi ang dad ko para magpahinga? Oh, this is Katkat's doing. Talagang binantayan niyang walang nakapaligid sa akin. Katkat used her influence to let this guy in.

"Yes, pero wala pang official na sagot ang dad ko sa pamilya niyo pero he already gave me his blessings. He like him qlready and he wants to bond with him with golf. I heard your brother exceed in every sport, especially golf." I calmly told him.

"Classic statement, huh? Comparing me and my brother. Is he better in me in bed? Why?! You don't have to get married, Ayesa. We can enjoy-" I screamed and he stopped talking. He stared at me with panic in his eyes. Hindi ko alam kung anong gusto niyang mangyari.

"Please stop stressing me out. Kakarecover ko lang sa asthma attack at hindi pa kaya ng dibdib kong ma-stress. You... you really are a monster. I hate you." Like a thief in the night, he gently kissed me on the forehead.

"What did you ever do to me, Ayesa? I hate you too and I don't want to marry you but you drive me to madness. Hindi ko alam kung paano mong nagagawa ito sa akin." He took off his coat, loosened his tie and finally decided to lie beside me. He embraced me and his hot breath is against my neck.

"Please, don't marry my brother. I'm begging you. Please. Can't you just stay the way you are? While we make love in my lair? While I stare at you when you sleep? You're a hard habit to break, Ayesa." His voice cracked. Is he crying? I was about to look at his face when he embraced me tighter.

"Don't look at me."

"Edward, you need to let me go. Marry a girl to your liking and be happy. I'm marrying your brother and he will bring me happiness. Your brother is a nice man and he wants to marry me. Ngayon lang ako nakatagpo ng taong mahal ako. He is gentle and kind-"

Then he gently kissed my neck. I felt paralyzed with just one kiss. It's as if my whole body was waiting in anticipation for him. It's as if my body is desperate for him. How can he do this to me? What's going to happen to me? Anong gagawin ko? Pinipigilan ako ng isipan ko pero hindi gumagalaw ang katawan ko.

"Edward, this is insanity. Hindi mo naman ako gusto kaya layuan mo na lang ako. You are just lusting after me. After all, I know I'm beautiful. 'Di ba? Sabi mo nga ang ganda ko. So please, stop this. I want to settle down with your sweet brother and-"

"Stop. Stop talking about him!" Natahimik ako sinabi niya. He traced my nape using his fingers. Hindi ko siya magawang paalisin dahil na din sa nanghihina ako. Kapag may lalaking nanakit sa akin, lagi akong nao-opsital dahil sa stress at malnutrition.

"Stop casually touching me, Edward. Ayoko na ng setup na gusto mo. Hindi ko kayang magpagamit. I want to be cherished and-"

"I am cherishing you more than I ever did to anyone! Ikaw lang... pero bakit? How can you torment me, Ayesa? You are so wrong for me but I always end up looking for you. I want to stop myself pero I am already addicted. I can't stop. It's just like a more addictive kind of substance. I tried to let you go, but I can't." He rested his face against my back. He spooned me and locked me with his legs.

"You are not cherishing me, Edward. Sinasaktan mo ako. I already admitted my feelings for you pero pinaglalaruan ko lang ako. Nadaskatan din ako. Gusto ko ding mahalin. Ayoko nang maiwan sa ere. I want someone to marry. I want someone to love." He cleared his throat.

"Let's talk seriously, Edward. We need to end this. I can no longer betray you family. I've bonded with your niece, and I can't imagine disappointing her. Ayokong lokohin ang kapatid mo. If hindi ka satisfied sa fiancee mo, iba na lang. 'Wag na ako. 'Wag na lang ako. Masakit na eh. Hindi ko na kaya." He loosed his grip on me. He took a deep breath and sighed in defeat.

"Ayesa, I am setting you free. I can't... take this." He smiled at me while on the verge of tears.

Parang nanuyot ang lalamunan ko. This is the first time I've seen Edward Corpuz in such a horrible state. Ngayon lang siya nawalan ng composure. This is the first time I saw him change his usual cold and straight face.

He walked away, without turning his back... while my heart is slowly breaking.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Three days after my hospitalization, Katkat visited me in my office, panicking in her super pregnant self. Hindi ko alam kung ano na naman ang sadya niya dito. Gawa nnadin siguro ng pregnancy niya kaya siya makulit.

She's bearable, but there are times that she really did get on my nerves. She's a ball of sunshine and sometimes I get blinded. I am not fond of that too much happiness because I am bound to suffer for the rest of my life. Why? I don't know. Maybe I was cursed? Maybe I did something heinous on my previous life?

Tiningnan ko siya.

"Buntis ka tapos punta ka ng punta dito. Marami kaming trabaho. Please stop messing with me all the time." She loudly tapped on my table, looking angry.

"What?"

"Magpapakasal na si Elissa at Edward! I've never seen that pained look ever! Anong ginawa mo, Ayesa? What happened in your room? Anong sinabi mo sa kanya? Edward was suffering the moment they announced the date of their wedding! It's in two months at ang sabi buntis si Elissa." Katkat is crying really hard.

Hinigpitan ko ang hawak sa handle ng swivel chair. Ayokong umiyak at ipakita sa kanya na nasasaktan ako. I just need to distance myself. I've been soft these past years that I've lost track of who I really am. Hindi ako umiiyak nang dahil lang sa lalaki.

I'm the bitch.

Guys should cry for me, pero bakit parang gusto kong bumigay ngayon at umiyak? Bakit halos magwala ang puso ko kapag naririnig ko ang pangalan niya.

"Look, katkat. I told him that I fell in love. Anong sinabi niya? That I'm not the girl of his dreams. Hindi daw ako bagay maging asawa at ina ng magiging mga anak niya. He said that I am not the maternal type. Nasaktan ako! I begged him to choose me pero hindi niya magawa kasi daw socialite ako, na baka katulad lang ako ng daddy niya! Katkat, ayoko na. Ako na lang palagi ang may kasalanan! Please, maawa na kayo sa akin. Just let me live. Give me some piece." Damien went inside the room. Sumigaw kasi ako at natakot siya para sa asawa niya.

I guiltily looked away.

"Ayesa, I am so sorry kung masakit ang mga nasabi ni Katherine Lane. Hormones niya lang 'to. I... I'm so sorry. I am part of your pain. We are part of your pain. Kasalanan namin kung bakit ka nasasaktan nang ganyan. Dapat pinigilan ko si Katkat na pumunta dito."

"Ayesa, sorry. Hindi ko alam ang mga nangyari pero ang sakit ng mga sinabi ko sayo. Pakiramdam ko sobrang sama naming lahat." Sabi naman ni Katkat. I felt sincerity but

I closed my eyes and let the tears fall on my face. I quickly wiped them with my arm.

"Damien, I loved you with all of my heart and soul. I bared my everything to you. I shared my pain and sadness with you. I... once saw the future I dream with you. Ikaw 'yung lalaking pinangarap at pinagdasal ko. God knows that I was earnest with my feelings and I am proud. But, fate has a lot of things in store for me. Ayaw niya akong maging masaya-"

"Don't say that, Ayesa-"

"No, Katkat! Lahat kayo sinaktan niyo ako. Oo, mataray ako at maarte pero hindi ako masamang tao! Bakit niyo ako kailangang saktan nang ganito?! Wala akong kasalanan!" I cried hard, pakiramdam ko mawawasak ako ngayon. Bakit kasalanan ko na naman? I stayed pero ako ang iniiwan.

"Please, Damien. Get her out of my office. Can you both get out of my life?" I saw shock registered on Damien's face. I saw pain, disappointment and guilt altogether.

"Ayesa, I'm sorry." Those were Damien's last words before he held tightly on his wife's arms.