We found alaska

Chapter 4

Colonels pov.

Oh god she's alive. She's really alive. Or was Takumi just faking. Just trying to save Pudge. And Pudge, what the hell was he thinking! He might have died! He's damn lucky that Takumi got there in time. I can't stop all of the insane thoughts going through my head. I can't believe any of them. I really want to talk to Takumi and Pudge, after all I'm the only one who saw his note. I really want to visit him at the hospital but I'm scared that they saw me run from the barn and know that I heard everything. I'll give it a day or two. No Pudge is probably wondering where I am and I really need to know of he's okay.

I jump into my car and drive quickly to the hospital. I need to know Pudge is okay. I need Pudge to be okay.

************************************

Takumi's pov.

"What the hell where you thinking!" I yell at Pudge as his eyes slowly open, acknowledging my presence. It's a little depressing seeing him in that dull hospital bed. "Do you know what I would've done if you had actually succeeded. Because I don't. Do you know what the colonel would have done. He would have lost it, he'd be a mess." I feel horrible yelling at him but I don't think he truly understands what he would've put everyone else through. I depend on Pudge much more than I let on and with out him I'd be lost. Sure I'd still have the colonel and Alaska but things would never be the same.

"Why are you here?" Pudge mumbles.

"Because I care about you." I say in all honesty.

"Really?" Sarcasm stains his tongue.

"Yes Pudge. I care. God dammit, Pudge. Why would you do this?"

"She's gone and so were you guys." he groaned

"What do you mean we were gone."

"You guys just weren't the same after she left. It was like we all changed and nothing could ever go back to normal. We fought all the time and you were extremely distant.... Which I now understand." He said lowering his head so as not to make eye contact. I squirmed uncomfortably at that. I wonder how much he hates me now knowing that I kept the details of Alaska's death to myself.

"I'm really sorry I didn't tell you but she insisted that I couldn't." I tell him.

"It's okay. I don't blame you. I blame her!" He says looking extremely let down.

"It's not entirely her fault okay. Don't blame her for all of this."

"Why? Why can't I blame her!" He says looking very mad now.

"Calm down okay." I say trying to sooth his fit of rage.

"No. I'm not made of porcelain! I'm not this fragile thing that you feel obliged to look after. I don't need you or her!"

That part really hit me because I need Pudge. Just thinking that he actually meant that stings. I leave without so much as a glance back. Fine Pudge! I think to myself. If you really don't need me I don't need you either. At least not any more.

***********************************************

Colonels pov.

As I walk into the hospital wait-room I see Takumi leaving a room and slamming the door behind him. I go to say something to him but then notice that he's silently crying. I feel like I should say something but I don't know what. I'm so confused, I can't make sense of anything that's happened today. It all feels like a dream. A horrible, horrible dream.

I decide just to walk into Pudge's room. It's small and he looks uncomfortable. He's clearly upset so I decide not to bring up Takumi, I don't want to resurface any unpleasant feelings. I'm going to anyway. I drop the note on his lap causing him to look up at me, finally making eye contact, with a look of utter regret plastered on his face.

"Look I don't need your pity. I got enough to last a life time from Takumi." He says blankly.

"I'm not here to give you pity." I tell him. I just wanted to see him, make sure he was okay. "Just wanted to stop by and see how you were doing."

"Clearly I'm doing just amazing. That's why I'm here, isn't it." He states. Why is he being so hostile. I think to my self. It just doesn't make any sense. "Can you just leave!" He yells. I don't want to make a scene but I don't really care any more.

"No I can't just leave. Stop pushing all of your friends away."

"It was fine when Takumi pushed us away after Alaska's death."

"That was different. We were all distant then." I tell him. He just doesn't seem to understand anything I'm saying to him. He is blinded by his rage. "Look we ended on a bitter note and I just wanted to say sorry. I was really out of line telling you Alaska never loved you. She really did, you could see it in her eyes. I think I just said that because you were right, I'm not over Alaska's death yet. You came in yelling she was alive and it gave me a glimmer of hope. I got myself all psyched up and then had to remind myself that it wasn't possible. Look all I wanted to say was sorry, I said it so I'll leave now." I turn to leave only to find I can't. Pudge has grabbed my arm and won't let go. A tear slips out of his eye.

"Finally." He says slowly. It's hard to understand him by his now deafening sobs. "I can talk to someone. I'm glad you've admitted it it'll be good for you." I can't help but feel an overwhelming happiness at this. I can now talk to someone who really understands exactly what I'm going through. Despite this overwhelming happiness I let out a sob, something I haven't done in a while, and hug Pudge. We sit there crying and talking for two hours until the nurse says that visiting hours are over. I leave reluctantly hugging Pudge again and promising a visit tomorrow. He tells me to bring Takumi too.