Styles' Smile [HS AU]

Chapter 07: (styles' smile) ☑

[that song on the side. you'll know exactly when to play it. it's basically the main song for this whole fanfiction though. x]

[im so so so soooooooo sorry for not updating for so long. i just needed this last chapter to be perfect. love you all so much for your support. it's been so lovely, honestly. i don't think i'll write stories that were like this because it makes me feel so many different emotions that my poor heart can't handle ahaha. x]

[enjoy. x]

I don't think you could really describe death in a paragraph or in a chapter. Death. The word really scares people, for some unknown reason really. I don't know why it is but I know I'm not like those people. I've never ever been scared of death. I've only been ever scared of clowns. Oh and heights. So basically if we were on a roller coaster with a clown, I would know I was in hell.

My mother's always told me that I'm a good human being. I've helped a lot of people. I try so hard to be positive and smile a lot. My parents have created a blog called Styles' Smile, just a little story on the internet about me. People comment, people vote they read they laugh at how much of a dork I am, they smile over the fact I'm still smiling despite quite a lot of things that has happened, they're angry at the crappy doctors who lied to me when I asked how my condition was, and they cried. They cried quite a lot according to my father. He won't tell me why though. I need to read this blog, see what is written about me. How much is fiction and how much is real. For now I can't. I'm cooped up in a crappy hotel bed with the worst food after airplane food, and the sadness that I am basically bed ridden. I need people to actually help me move now. I don't have freedom or any independence. I feel like crap. So far I'm not allowed any visitors unless they're my parents or sister. It's pretty depressing if you ask me, but I've been speaking to Victoria on the phone  nearly everyday. I miss her like absolutely crazy. My parents tell me that she isn't coping well without me, and they met her father and actually bonded. I was hoping for them to add that the arrange marriage was set as well, but that's really just pushing it.

I still tried my best to stay happy go lucky, watching the stupid dramas about pathetic things on the tiny television in my ward. I complimented the nurses despite them looking so mentally drained. I just tried so hard to hang onto some happiness...

It lasted for about two weeks until I think I finally hit rock bottom.

I just shut down completely.

One day I went to bed all full of life and the next you couldn't see any glimpses of my dimples. I was so low. So, empty. Everyone got scared. So worried about me.

They thought the end was coming.

You know what they say, we're all like marks on the sand that easily are washed away by the ocean? We're basically only bruises on the Earth, on day we'll fade, disappearing and not a soul will remember us. I kept repeating that to myself every hour and it really was destroying me.

Today was actually December 21st, another day to others but you know what? It wasn't a random day. It was a seven years survival mark for me. It should be a celebration. I wasn't actually happy, but I could always blame the drugs I've been given just an hour ago. Making me feel quite low and depressed. I won't allow anyone to see me unless they're doctors or nurses anymore.

I don't know what's going on with me.

Just yesterday I heard the doctor to my parents that I was slowly deteriorating, and they cried for forty minutes straight. I heard them and everything which didn't make me feel any better. That brought me down quite a lot.