Love Has a Color

Monday

Just like any other human, I despise Monday mornings. Generally, it's just that feeling of starting the week and not wanting to climb out of bed for work. Now, though, I hate Mondays even more. I hate Mondays because I have to go to someone else's office for work. I hate Mondays because that someone else is Asher Black. I hate myself because I have to face him again for the first time since Friday; the day of what I now call Winepocolypse 2018, and the day I inadvertently hurt Asher by trying to protect myself.

I've spent all weekend trying to think of what to say to him today, yet I've got nothing. I know after what I heard him saying to Violet that I must've hurt his feelings. Although, in my defense, they were feelings I really didn't know he even had. I'm not just talking about his apparent 'feelings' towards me, but his regular old emotions as well. He acts like a block of ice half the time so I can never tell what he's thinking or feeling. I eventually just assumed he does neither of those things. Either way, I'm really terrified to face him today. My heart might literally explode. I should bring him a poncho, just in case.

I meet Violet at the door and head upstairs. When we get out of the elevator she stops me. "Have you talked to him? Like, since Friday?"

I just shake my head at her. "No. I'm nervous. I don't want things to be awkward and I don't want him to be mad at me. What do I even say?"

Violet sighs, then checks her watch. I'm about to ask what she's doing before she grabs me and yanks me into the bathroom. "You two are like children, I swear. You just need to talk to each other!"

"Talk about what? We talk all the time," I say. I know that's not what she means.

She smacks me upside the head, causing me to yelp from surprise. "Good! Now stop being an idiot, Scarlett. Do you have feelings for him or not?" I pull my eyes from her and look at the ground nervously. "I see the way you look at Asher. Even when he's being a complete asshole, you get those mushy eyes and that dumb smile. So, answer the question Scar. Without thinking about anyone or anything but him, answer the question."

She knows me too well. My biggest apprehension right now is Luke. I'm scared of so many things, and it's all because of him. I know it sounds stupid, especially when I hear myself say it, but I was with him for so long. Even before we were together we were friends, I'd tell him everything. I trusted him, I loved him, and he crushed me. I know I don't have those feelings for him anymore but I can't help but think about what he said to me. I've just been avoiding him and everything about him so much that I haven't really worked through any of the issues. It's been a few months now and I just keep taking more steps in the wrong direction. I know there's no expiration date on healing, but there is one on Asher.
I need to figure this out.

Obviously, I like the guy. I like him more than I want to admit. Before you say it, no, it's not just because he's attractive. He's very smart, he's really got his shit together, and underneath all the male bravado he is so sweet. There are times when I feel like I can tell him anything, and there are times when I'm so nervous around him I can hardly speak. One day it's like we've known each other for years and the next we've only just met. I just need to focus on figuring out what the hell is going on in my head that's making me feel the slightest bit of apprehension. If I keep avoiding everything, I'm going to miss my shot with Asher. I cannot let that happen. 

So, I decide to tell Vi the truth. "Yes."

"Then go. Tell. Him!" She pushes me out of the bathroom right to the office door where I spin around and slip out of her grasp.

"Wait, what am I supposed to say? What if this goes badly! I still have to work with him Violet! I have to think through some thin-" She ignores me and pushes me right through the door, then hurries off. Shit!