Hunters Don't Cry (Supernatural Fanfic)

Chapter Nine

"Are you alright?" Dean said gently. 

I wiped my eyes with my sleeve. "No, not really." I sniffled. 

He faced the road as he told me confidently, "You're gonna' be okay you know."  

I smiled as I did my best to collect myself. "I wouldn't bet on it."

"Yeah? I would." 

"And why's that?"

"Because you're strong, and you've got people who have got your back," he stated.

I said, "Maybe," but in my head I wondered how I would ever be okay again. I was feeling so many emotions that all seemed to make no sense together that I was beginning to think it was some kind of new emotion that combined all of them. My dad not telling what I was made me furious, but the fact that I would never see him again made me so damn sad.

"Why didn't he tell me?" I said to myself as I rested my head back on the edge of the headrest. 

"Why didn't who tell you what?" Dean asked from the driver's seat.

I suddenly felt like crying again. "Why didn't my dad tell me that I was a monster?"

Dean suddenly swerved to the shoulder of the road and abruptly pulled the car to a stop. "What the hell did you just say?"

A tear escaped onto my cheek, but I roughly wiped it away and steadied my voice. I had to get this out without breaking to show Dean that I was serious, and it wasn't just the events of the night making me say it in the moment. My voice was steely and cold as I repeated, "I asked why my dad didn't tell me I was a monster."

He turned around and glared at me. "Is that really what you think?"

I took a breath before I answered, "Yes."

 "Damn it! What the hell? Your a monster, Ryder?" He snorted angrily. "One hell of a monster you've got to be." His gaze burned through me, making me feel ashamed. That he could make me feel that way only made me angry, so I glared back at him. "A monster that gives up her dad to keep him safe when she's already lost her mom, a monster that gives up a safe, normal life to save the lives of others. That doesn't sound like a monster to me." 

Dean turned back to the road and started the car. "It sounds like a hero," he finished.

I felt my anger dissipate almost immediately. Dean had just called me a hero, so why did I feel like sobbing? I knew the answer. It was something I thought a dad would say to his daughter.

The silence drug on as Dean continued driving down the road, and without knowing I eventually fell asleep.

***

The sidewalk beneath my feet was cracked and dirty, matching the houses on the side. I stopped in front of one and suddenly all the other houses disappeared and the sidewalk stretched on forever with only this one house. The white paint was chipped and one wall appeared to be burnt. It took a moment for me to recognize it. It was my house.

Suddenly a figure passed in front of the window. "Ryder?" it called in a female voice as it walked past the window and across the house. It was a voice I would know anywhere. 

"Mom?" I called back as I walked up the path to our front door. I placed a hand tentatively over the door bell as I peered through a broken window. The curtain ghosted in and out of my view like fog on the horizon. I decided against ringing the door bell and placed my hand on the door knob. It promptly fell off in my hand as the door drifted open slowly.  

I stepped in and heard a floor board creak loudly under my foot. "Mom?" 

She suddenly darted in front of me. There was a moment when she just stood there. I took in her blonde hair and dark eyes, not believing it was her. She was rail thin, with a gaunt face and clearly visible shoulder bones that poked out from under the tattered tank top she was wearing. "Ryder. I love you so much honey." She smiled, but it made me uneasy; there was something wrong with it. It was almost predatory. I turned in a haste back towards the door only to discover there was no door.