RANDOM SOUTH PARK SHIP STORIES!!! XD

we need to talk :'(

(just to preface this is a joke pls don't shoot me)

"How am I supposed to say this..."

Kyle sat in his living room in silence, staring down at his mobile phone. His eye twitched as he observed the last message Cartman had sent to him. Though, at the moment Kyle wasn't reminiscing over texts sent hours prior, he was trying to find the best way possible to tell his boyfriend of this frankly horrible secret he had been keeping from him for the past while.

Maybe it was better to do things in person. Text sometimes didn't work. It didn't seem logical to Kyle to just tell Cartman of this out of the blue and have an awkward confrontation later at home... he might as well preface it first. Though his fingers did shake and fumble around the digital keyboard and he did type before deleting everything multiple times, he eventually came to something he was happy with.

'We need to talk.'

While he was hesitant to do so, he swallowed his pride and sent the text. The little noise that came from his phone as it delivered sent a shiver down the young man's spine.

An uneasy feeling made its way through Kyle as his eyes lingered on that message he had boldly sent just a second ago. He began to regret and rethink his decisions, wishing he did this and that... until the text notification from his phone ended the deafening various thoughts going on in his mind.

It was Cartman, naturally, in his usual atrocious yet charming way of typing.

'whats wrong babe'

Unlike with his previous text, Kyle was quick to respond, putting less thought into what he was going to say this time around.

'You'll see. We'll discuss this when you get home.'

Cartman followed suit with an even less thought-out response.

'k ill b back soon'

Gritting his teeth with a great amount of intensity, Kyle anxiously tapped his fingers on the arm of his chair as he attempted to prepare himself for the wait he would have to endure before finally facing the music and making Cartman aware of what he had done.

This was probably Kyle's most nerve-wracking experience in his life thus far.

(time skip because fuck effort honestly)

As Kyle heard the front door unlock nearby, his heart rate began to pick up rapidly.

Oh god, I can't do this, I can't do this...

And, though it was inevitable, Kyle almost didn't even want to acknowledge Cartman's eventual presence in the living room. All at once, his small amount of confidence was out the window, his palms going clammy and sweat running down his forehead at rapid fire speed.

"So," Cartman began, taking a seat on the chair opposite to his boyfriend, "What's wrong here?"

Kyle was silent for a while, as most would be. He let out small noises of concern and worry, his eyes darting around the room frantically as a way to distract himself from the immense amount of fear he was feeling.

"I... okay. This is really serious. And please don't get too mad at me if you can."

"I can do that."

Kyle's breath hitched, his mind hurriedly trying to piece together an appropriate response.

"The truth is..." Kyle began, exhaling loudly, "What's really been going on is...."

Cartman gave his boyfriend an irritated look of impatience, "Well? What is it? Just tell me now and get it over with."

Kyle gulped loudly. "... I-I, well- I've been cheating on you. With Thanos."

"Y-You've been what? With Thanos?"

"Yeah, Thanos."

"I, uh... I'm not sure how to respond to that..."

"Fair."

Silence.

"I'm actually glad I told you this now," Kyle weakly smiled, "Because, well, Thanos proposed to me yesterday. It was beautiful!"

There was barely even a croak out of Cartman before he went back up to the door, zipped up his coat once again, and headed out on his way.

"Wow, he took that better than I expected!"