Miss Cabello (Camren)

23

Camila's PoV

They say time flies by when you're having fun, and I never really understood what that meant until now. Time with Lauren is bliss, pure happiness and excitement, and before I know it it's already May. May, the time of chaos and finals, exactly a month until the seniors graduate and get their diplomas. I can't lie and say I'm looking forward to it, because in all honesty I'm not.

Lauren and I have talked about colleges before. She's told me she's applied for Columbia university in New York, and Florida State university to study creative writing and art. I try to support her in every way I can, and aid her for everything she'll need when she leaves, but I can't help but feel anxious that she'll leave me for good and we'll eventually drift apart. I'm petrified that she'll find someone her own age in her uni, someone who she can be with openly and that can love her without consequences.

I don't know where the insecurities are coming from, but Lauren means so much to me all I can ever do is be anxious that one day she'll leave me. When I stepped into that classroom on the first day of school, the fear of me being a failure brimming in my mind, I never ever expected to meet Lauren and fall in love with her. I still sometimes regret the way we met, and the way I pursued her whilst I was still her teacher, but it would be different if it was just sexual desire and not pure love.

Love. It feels surreal to say it. I've never been in love before, in all my twenty-four years of living, but Lauren made it so so easy.

For my twenty-fourth birthday back in March, she took me out for a ride on a small boat on a beach a couple of towns away. She kissed me under the stars as we went across the ocean, and it was one of the moments in life where time seemed to stop.

I think that was when I knew I couldn't possibly live without her. When I knew that she was really meant for me, and I think I was meant to find her on that first ever day of school.

Wow, it seems like a lifetime ago I started teaching, when in reality it was only nine months. Now everyone is getting ready for college, ready for their futures.

But Lauren and I's future? Where does that come in? Will she come down to see me on the weekends? Or worst of all just the holidays?

I don't want to think about the possibility of us drifting apart, of our love not meeting the distance.

I realise I've spaced out in my English class, and I shake my head and focus back on my laptop. I know Lauren occupies my thoughts a lot, but when she's becoming a distraction in my class I know things are bad. I just can't take my anxiety off of her leaving, no matter how hard I try.

The bell rings not a moment later and I dismiss the class, breathing a sigh of relief when I realise it's lunchtime. No doubt Lauren will be here any second, being as we spend most lunch times together nowadays.

I'm right of course, and not a moment later I notice Lauren opening and closing my door, entering with a small blush and shy smile.

"Hey Camz." She sits down beside me and lightly grabs my hand, intertwining our fingers on the desk.

"Hi." I try to force a smile at her, and I must have good acting skills because she grins back at me.
"So," She takes out a ham and cheese sandwich from her bag, taking a large bite into the crust. "I've been applied to a college."

My heart drops, and for a minute I just want to break out and cry.

Please be Florida University. Please be Florida University. Please be Florida Univ-.

"It's Colombia." Lauren grins so widely my heart churns for not having the same excitement as her.
"I have no idea how I got in," she carries on. "But I did. They said my creative writing is amazing. Amazing! Can you believe that? And it's always been my dream to go to New York... I'm going to have the time of my life Camz."

Right. It's always been Lauren's dream to go to New York. She's going to have the time of her life.

"I'm so proud of you." By now I'm somewhat crying, but Lauren dismisses it for me being happy for her. She brings me into a hug, kissing my neck softly as I wrap my arms around her waist.

Dread.

I feel dread

Hopeless.

I feel hopeless.

Lauren is going to New York. Lauren is going to New York, for four freaking years, whilst I stay here by myself in Miami.

It's not going to work. She's going to find someone else. She'll get over me.

I still in her hold, and I'm urging myself not to cry so bad that it makes me want to cry anyway. 

How can this be fair? Lauren, the light of my life, the girl I fell for, is moving to New York without me. She'll find New friends, a new life, a new love. She won't need me anymore. She'll realise I'm just her teacher. Just a woman that's in love with her .

I've never felt so much pain in my life. I've never known what it feels like to lose your true love, but now that Lauren's leaving I'm starting to understand how painful it actually is.

Lauren is moving to New York without you. Lauren is moving to New York without you. Lauren is moving to New York without you.

Lauren is moving to New York without me.

After all we've been through. After all the hiding, all the arguments, all the memories, all the love. She's leaving. She's leaving me.

When we pull back from the hug Lauren is smiling so brightly- so joyfully, that I know I can't stop her from moving to New York. If this is her dream, to move 1285 miles away from home, then who am I to stop her?

"I'm so proud of you." I tell her again, planting the softest of kisses to her left cheek. I mean it, I'm incredibly proud of her. So so proud. I just wish I could be proud of her and go with her.

A/N
Haha I'm getting emo because we're coming to the end of this book now. I started this book around the end of July, and to see the success it's got in this amount of time truly amazes me. There will probably only be one or two more chapters left before the epilogue at the end of the story. I just want to thank everyone so much for the views and the votes, and for reading my book! I'm already working on a new fanfic called 'Haven Bay', about Camila as an eighteen year old runaway meeting Lauren in a small seaside town she's run away to, to escape her past. I won't go into too much detail, but look out for that sometime after I've finished this book!
-Nikki 🧡