Still Lost || muke au

0.1

Luke's POV

What is it like to be happy? Be in love? Be loved? I wish I knew what it felt like. What it felt like to kiss the one you love whenever you want. God I wish I could do that to him. Cuddle him whenever I wanted to. Have him kiss my scars and tell me that I was all he ever wanted. But that only happens in fairy tales. Oh how much I wish life was a fairy tale. My life would be so much easier if it was. Since when did I decide that I was in love with my best friend! My band member! I don't know but I wish I never decided that.

"Luke, come on we've got to talk to you!" someone yells upstairs. I sigh and get up from my cave. Before I go downstairs I grab my bracelets and put them on, hiding my scars. Old and new.

"Luke!" I hear Ashton yell. "I'm coming!" I yell back, opening my bedroom door and running downstairs where I see the boys sitting down. But normally they are sitting with the TV on, but it's was off.

"Guys? What's going on?" I ask heading over to the couch and sitting next to Calum.

"Well Luke um... this is going to be really hard for you to hear but you're mom.... she called Mike and said for us to tell you that she got admitted to the hospital last night. She's been diagnosed with stage 4 cancer Luke. We're sorry." Ashton said looking at me with pity in his eyes.

"What...?" I ask, feeling my world crashing around me even more. How could this happen? My mother? The strongest woman I know, battling cancer? The familiar itching on my wrists and thighs is getting stronger ever second.

"LUKE!" Calum yells snapping his fingers in my face.

"What?" I ask just now noticing I was crying. I quickly wipe my tears away with the back of my hand.

"How are you feeling?" Michael asks.

"Numb." I answer. I ran upstairs before any of the boys could answer, the itching getting unbearable. I ran into the bathroom slamming the door and locking it, looking for my razor in the medicine cabinet. As soon as I felt the cold metal on my finger tips I yanked it out if the cabinet, taking off my bracelets as fast as I could and practically ripping my skinny jeans off. I pressed the cold metal to my wrist feeling the same sensation fill my body. I add one, two, 10 more cuts to that wrist. Then I cut my other wrist 12 times. 24 fresh cuts on my wrists. Before I could add any to my thighs there was a knock on the bathroom door.

"Luke! Come out we can help you. Please Luke." Michael says through the door. Shit he can't see my wrists or thighs.

"I'll be out in a minute." I say while putting my pants back on and washing the blood off of my wrists, quickly putting my bracelets back on and unlocking the door. I open the door to see Michael standing outside of it.

"Hey Mike. Why don't we go downstairs." I say heading down the steps.

When I get down the steps I ran into a chest. I look up to see Ashton with tears in his eyes staring at something. I follow his gaze and see that he's looking at my wrists. Oh no.... my scars are showing. I quickly push my bracelets down to cover my cuts.

Ashton looks up at me and says "Luke, what are those?"

"What are what?" Michael and Calum ask walking over to Ash and I.

"Noth-" I get cut off my Ashton grabbing my wrist and taking off my bracelets showing the boys my cuts.

"Luke..." Calum says looking at me with tears streaming down his face. I rip my hand out of Ashton's hand and sink to the ground, crying harder than I ever thought possible.

"I'm sorry..." I say through my sobs "I just wish I could die!" I scream before running upstairs and slamming my door and hiding under my covers, sobbing my eyes out.

"Luke?" I hear a voice say, then someone sit down next to me on my bed.

"What?" I ask, trying to keep my voice steady.

"Why did you do this?" The voice says. I take the covers off of my head seeing Michael sitting on my bed.

"My mother has stage 4 cancer and you're seriously asking me why I did it?" I say getting angry.

"Luke there's old ones there too. How long has this been going on?" He asks. I sigh sitting up. Its better now than never.

"2 almost three years." I say looking down.

"Why haven't you told us?" He asks with tears streaming down his face.

"I thought that you guys would judge me for the way I am." I say thinking about telling him that I'm gay.

"The way you are? Luke what are you trying to say?" He looks even more concerned than before.

"Michael... I'm... um.. I'm.. gay..." I say while looking down. When I look up I see something I've been scared of my whole life.

~~~

Cliff hanger! I hope you like the first chapter! I was sobbing while writing this. Comment and favorite.

-Julie