If you seek you shall find

Chapter 6

Levi's pov

It's been a week since I've started school and now that I've dropped some deadweight aka Eren ,it's a lot more fun , as bad as it sounds I've actually started to enjoy pestering Eren and watching him get hurt but at the same time it makes me feel guilty and want to punch the people that are hurting him including myself , is that even possible ?
Why had I even done this in the first place ? I know why now ... no I can't let that happen again , not again .
Just to think everyone is starting on Eren because of me some cold, stoic person with no heart ... well clearly not anymore . Admittedly when I first hurt eren I felt bad but then I remembered what everyone has done to me and thought screw it i don't care

On my first day when I told horseface , who I now know a jean that if anyone would mess with Eren it would be me , I didn't mean it and thought I never would , Eren seemed like such a nice person but that was part of the reason I did it , after a few hours of thinking I noticed that he seemed just like others . His constant smile on his face sometimes I sat there and just thought about knocking the smile off his face and after today it seems like I've done just that . He came in and he wasn't smiling like he normally was I don't know whether it's mean just being a cold hearted twat or me trying to act this way to gain respect from other 'ha some shitty way to get respect from others' I thought to myself . But I actually felt a mix between happy I'd done it and really guilty.

Time skip
I sat down at the groups lunch table that consisted of me , Petra ,Jean , Bertholt,Reiner, Annie , Erwin and a few of Petra's cheerleading friends . Ironically the people who I didn't like on my first day , I sat down and got to know them over the past few days and they aren't that bad , well ... they don't seem that bad to me anymore maybe to others they are . People say Petra is a social climber but I don't see her that way , mind you I don't care anyway she was almost hanging off my arm like I was some prized candy yesterday but when I tried politely 'ha politely... not' telling her to get off she just smiled a fake smile which was so obvious you could see it from a mile away and used the excuse 'my feet hurt from walking in these shoes and the pavement is unsteady I could fall ' hahaha what a load a bull I knew she was lying but I said nothing , I was seriously debating and just saying fall then and leave but I noticed a certain green eyed brunette looking at me from his usual spot , so I made it look like we were a couple , I don't know what I'm trying to do that I haven't decided yet but one thing I know for sure is that I can't go back .
So far I've seen Eren almost had his head flushed twice which I must admit was quite funny , even though I shouldn't laugh I can't help it . He's had food dumped on him , been beaten and called names but yet I did nothing after all I started this .
I'd learnt not to care , not to show my true feeling and be cold hearted and that's something I know well so it's what I'm going to carry on doing . After all I don't care anymore , I'm done

It's a little later on in the day when Eren tries to walk past me and ... by tried I mean he wasn't successful... at all . I pushed him into a group of oncoming jocks , the ones I knew were assholes and I left Eren , in their hands walking my way down the corridor only hearing Erens pained groans and whimpers as I did so , I wanted to check if Eren was still in the hallway so I walked outside not caring of the teacher would get pissed and walked upto Eren who was trying to hobble his way to the nurses office . He looked badly battered, bruises already forming on his face and around his eyes god know where else . Part of me felt bad and wanted to help him but I couldn't do that to the reputation I now had to uphold I was 'king ' of the school or so everyone else called it and I knew that by helping him .... yeah there was no chance not today .

As I walk closer to him I notice a group of people starting to walk down the corridor . I nudged him harshly into the locker watching him fall to the floor not having the energy to try and move again , seeing the pain evident in his face made me smirk in my little triumph and walk away ignoring the horrible nagging feeling in the pit of my stomach , I turn around and notice  Eren looking at me , no remanence of a smile left on his face not even a tiny one noticing I was staring at him and he was looking at me I sneered at him " what are you looking at  faggot " I yell noticing him trying to stand again only for me to knock him back and walk down the hall .
Eren didn't come to class for the rest of the day and I kind of figured he'd gone home not that I'd blame him I would too

It was now Friday and Erens bad day had already started I'd stayed and watched him be slammed into lockers as soon as he'd walked into the school later on at lunch he was pushed in a bin and told to quote 'go back in his house ' I sat for about 5 minutes just listening to them do nothing but hurdle insults at him anything from a worthless fag to being told to kill him self , admittedly that last one really pissed me off no one should be told to kill themselves but after all this was my fault .
Eren once vibrant smile is completely gone , not seen even the slightest speck of it today and it's kind of odd not to , even round his friends Armin and Marco he would normally crack a smile or two but as of today nothing just a pained , empty expression on his face .
I really wanted to say something I really did and for once it wouldn't be at Eren it would be to the people who followed in my footsteps and hurt Eren not just physically but mentally to , I'd know how I'd fell if I was told to kill myself I could feel all the guilt from the previous things eat away at my conscience . But yet I couldn't bring myself to do it , I know ... I'm a coward but things are only just getting better for me for the wrong reasons but still anything is better than nothing at all right ? ... right ? Oh god what have I done ? It's too late to stop and take it all back and it's to late to apologise what's done is done besides sorry won't heal the pain he feels nor the things everyone has said to him so what would be the point in saying sorry . Exactly their wouldn't be one . I'd know I'm sorry if I told He that but I know that he'd never believe me and I wouldn't blame him , hell .. even I wouldn't believe anything I said .
The guilt is slowly eating away at me I can feel it yet , I don't stop , why ? I don't stop that's a different question entirely .
What can I do ? Should I help or mask everything with my I don't care facade for a little while longer , god knows how long that would be though .

Is Levi really sorry ? What will Levi do next ? Will he help Eren ?
This chapter I'm dedicating to kKateynkatie05 for her support on my previous chapter and giving me inspiration and the motivation to update this chapter thank you .

Hope you enjoyed this chapter , don't forget to vote and leave your thoughts in the comments , next chapter will be updated soon .

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