Why Can't It be Easier

January 4

I've come to realize a few things so far this year. I still can't say how I feel out loud, let alone to the actual person I'm in love with. I don't know how I will ever tell him. We didn't talk again today. It feels weird. It's been 48 hours. The longest time we have ever gone without talking to each other was about 12 hours. Its weird I feel like a part of me is missing and it doesn't make sense to me. I love him so much all I want is to see him happy. I have dreamed about how I want to tell him but I wake up and realize it isn't real. I just want it to be real even for a second. I dream about how our wedding would be. I but before that, I think about how our first kiss would go. Would he kiss me first or would I kiss him first? I've imagined it both ways and don't know which I like better. I like the fantasy of us under the starts and he pulls me close and slowly kisses me. The other version is we are in the school parking lot after school and we are both heading to our practices and he hollers at me because he has something for me. I walk over and he gives me a small gift... A picture from when we first met. I love the gift so much that we share a passionate kiss. As much as I wish one of them were true all I want is for him to be happy. Until tomorrow...