Tell Me I'm Pretty [Lashton AU]

Chapter 10

Ashton's words really stuck in Luke's mind and he couldn't stop thinking about them. How someone with so much confidence could actually be insecure was shocking to him. Ashton always walked around with his head high, but it turns out he does it to feel better about himself.

Lots of people seem to do that. They pretend they're happy, that they love themselves and that they truly believe they're smart and proud, but they're really not. Ashton just seemed like he genuinely meant what he said, though. He was so good at lying and it looked like a technique in a way.

Lying until he started believe it.

However, Ashton does think he's pretty. But, confidence isn't always about looks, it's about personality as well. He didn't think he was smart or funny or talented and that really hurt Luke. To think that someone with good grades (well, he had good grades before missing school) and a knack at gymnastics and sports didn't think he was good enough.

Then again, that's what happens when you're rejected. He knew Ashton was upset over that, but he did win that trophy for gymnastics. That counts for something. A lot of something's actually. He won first place in a competition with all of the schools in Sydney. That's amazing, but he doesn't see that.

Even if an insecure person wins, they feel like they did something wrong along the way anyways. That they're never perfect, even if they had straight A's or perfect attendance, nothing will make them feel good enough until they let themselves realize there's no such thing as perfect.

Of course, Luke can't be a hypocrite. He obviously has insecurities, doesn't everyone? He felt more stupid than anyone else in the world. He can barely manage a C average and gets F's so much, you might as well call him Fred Fucking Figglehorn considering that's what his report card looks like.

Most people would say 'study then'. But, he has tried that and it really wasn't working well. Luke has a problem with paying attention. He doesn't have a disorder or anything. Not everyone struggling with school does. He's just stupid and can't memorize well and is really lazy.

Were those good excuses? Definitely not. There's no excuse except that he has no motivation and he was dealing with it. He just wanted to find a way to get smarter, but then again, he also doesn't care enough to try. He was more interested in doing things he truly likes such as...well. He wasn't sure.

What does he like?

Luke was suddenly having a crisis. What's he going to do now? He doesn't like school, he sucks at school and he doesn't have a hobby. How will he get a job? He doesn't want to go to university. He doesn't want to work at Maccas either, though. He wasn't sure what he's suppose to do with his life.

School was wasting his time, though. He wasn't going to get anywhere with it and he knew that because tons of people say that school slowed down their chance of living their dreams and lots of people drop out and turn out to be rich and famous. Not that he wanted that. Though, he would enjoy being rich.

He frowned and Luke wasn't sure what to do. He literally just got back a test that had a big '23%' on it and he felt so embarrassed, knowing it was the lowest score. He's so bad at school, teachers don't bother holding him back anymore or asking if he needs help. They know he'll just shake his head. It's a given.

Luckily, the bell rang and broke his thoughts. Luke was getting really upset and he knew he should just ask for help, but why? Whenever he does, they try and he still doesn't get it. Or they'll get mad and say he wasn't paying attention. He never found a teacher who truly wanted to help him before or understood how to help.

He slowly got up, trying to ignore the look his teacher gave him; one of disappointment. He knew he dissappointed people. He wasn't stupid. Or well, he was. Just not blind. He can see the way people look at him like he won't amount to anything. He can tell no one believes in him anymore. He's a lost cause and a helpless fool. Just the piece of gum under a chair; forgotten and unwanted.