Tell Me I'm Pretty [Lashton AU]

Chapter 15

It's embarrassing when you find out you have a test and have no memory of hearing there would be one. Luke was aware that school was coming to the halfway point, but he really didn't think there was an exam. Now he was so sure he was never going to pass school considering he didn't study.

How can he study when he has more important things going on? His brother is in the army, his mum is constantly trying to get him to go to church more, his fuckbuddy hates him and his friends are barely talking to him. Luke was too sad to sit and study for astrology or astronomy or-- what class is he even in?

Luke didn't care about school. He didn't care about anything, honestly. No, he's not depressed or thinking of suicide like lots of people assume. He's just...done. He's so uncaring for his education that he won't even spare a glance at the books he tried to sprawl out in front of him.

But, it didn't really matter.

Nothing matters. He's going to die one day, will school matter then? No. He's going to get married one day, will what grade he had in spanish matter? Nope. So, he really didn't give a fuck. He just wanted to be happy and school wasn't doing that for him. If anything, it made him hate himself more than ever and want to end his life at one point.

It was sad to say, but there was once a time that he was fifteen and so overloaded with school work. He would force himself to study for hours and then it made him literally have an anxiety attack and he doesn't even suffer anxiety. So, that was definitely saying something about how much pressure school can put on kids.

Of course, people will disagree. Everyone is different. Luke didn't know what he wanted to do, though. He was lost with himself and just cause he's lost doesn't mean he should go to school, that doesn't seem very fair. It's like someone saying 'you're confused with your sexuality? Just stay straight for a while'. At least, it was in his opinion.

He ruffled his hair a bit and tapped his pencil while sitting in the hall. School starts in ten minutes and so far, he didn't feel very pleased with his progress. He was actually trying to study, but like mentioned before, it was useless. His brain wasn't working. He wasn't a very smart person.

Luke has tried it all. Tutoring, different types of tutors, staying after school, online, and so on. It just doesn't work. It improved him in the slightest bit, but not enough to where he passed. He knew that this would fail him if he didn't get a good grade. He hated how that's what life was based on nowadays; grades and scores and ranking.

A silly number/letter meant so much to people nowadays. How many followers you had, how high your grades are, who's in the top one hundred, what your high score is on a game-- it was so sad. Luke felt like he was in a world that didn't even care about why they were at the top, just that they were.

Luke knew he would love to be at the top too, and not just sexually. He just knew being number one was amazing. However, it gets to be too much. There's pressure to even be close to those people. If you fail, you're compared. If you're at the top, you're compared. Why is there even ranking and listing anyways?

The blonde angrily crumbled the paper up and threw it in the trash, missing completely. He didn't even care anymore. He roughly slammed the book shut and saw people were staring at him. Having a breakdown in the hall was not the best idea ever, but their judgment was nothing to him.

Luke bit his bottom lip and took a shaky breath. He was seriously freaking out. It was just an exam, but he knew his mum would be so mad at him for failing and he knew he was going to fail. No matter how hard he would try, he will fail. He knew that because there was nothing he knew on that sheet and guessing was guaranteed failing.

Suddenly, he heard a familiar voice and glanced up to see Ashton was walking with Michael and Calum. What the hell? Luke hesitated and wanted to go over and see what that was about. But, he stopped himself and watched as Michael laughed loudly at something Ashton said, grinning largely and wrapping a friendly arm around the boy.