Look After You

Chapter 8

After they broke away from the kiss, the two of them sat there awkwardly for a few moments in silence. Xander truly wasn't sure what he was going to say because he didn't know why he initiated the kiss. He knew he wanted to kiss him, but there was no way he was gay. He knew that.

"So..." Xander mumbles, rubbing the back of his neck.

Nolan nods and plays with the bottom of his shirt with his fingers. "So... are you... are you gay?" He asks.

"No," Xander answers immediately.

Nolan nods quickly and looks over at him. "Yeah, me neither. I just... I don't really know." Xander wanted to jump right out of his skin in that moment. He was more terrified now than he was when his dad would scream at him. Hell he'd take his dad slapping him around if it meant Nolan would remain his friend.

Xander was afraid that that one simple kiss had just ruined their whole friendship. After years and years of build up he had just made it too awkward to repair.

"So if you're not gay then why did you kiss me back?"

"If you're not gay then why did you kiss me first?"

They stare at each other before Xander laughs awkwardly. "I think I'm just drunk."

"Yeah, me too," Nolan nods. They both knew that Nolan had only had two sips and was the farthest thing from drunk and even Xander was only a little tipsy but not drunk enough to kiss his best friend just for the hell of it. But neither of them were willing to admit the true reason why they had kissed so neither of them called the other out on their bullshit. And Xander was beyond grateful that Nolan didn't call him out on it because he wasn't quite sure what he would say if he did.

"So, you, uh... you want a pizza bagel?" Xander asks, holding the plate out to him. Nolan nods and grabs one.

"Thanks." Xander nods and sets the plate back down.

"You know what? I forgot my mom wanted me to, uh, go do the dishes before she got home. She'll kill me if I don't do them," he says and stands up. "So I think I'm just gonna head home now but I'll talk to you later?"

Xander nods. "Um, yeah, see ya Nolan." Nolan hurried out of the room and then out of the house and as soon as he heard the front door close, Xander let out a loud sigh.

"Fuck," he mumbles to himself, running a hand over his face. What had he done?

He knew he had messed up but he didn't get why Nolan had kissed him again. That was what confused him the most.

He was afraid he had just made everything awkward. He was afraid that after years and years of building up trust and friendship that he had just ruined it with one simple kiss. And if that was the case Xander knew he would never ever forgive himself for it.

For the next hour Xander just laid on his bed with his eyes closed but never really being able to fall asleep. His heart was thumping too loudly to even think about sleeping. He was planning on just laying that way for the rest night and not leaving his room a single time, but that plan went a way the second he heard his mom's voice.

"Anyone home!" His mom yelled.

Xander heard her voice echo through the halls and he could have sworn there was a bit of a slur to it. He gets out of his bed and heads to the living room. His mom was leaning against the wall to keep her balance, her hair was in a messy bun and her lipstick was smeared a bit. For some reason she was grinning as if she had just finished a laughing fit and her nose and cheeks were a bright red from being out in the cold. Xander had no idea where she had been, but most of the times he was too afraid to ask because he knew it was nowhere good. It was either the bar to get drunk or some back alley to either suck some guy off for money or to get drugs from one of her many drug dealers that she bought from.