Look After You

Chapter 15

Xander woke up the next morning to somebody running their hands through his hair. He smiles slightly and opened his eyes. He was still asleep in his mom's bed. Lauren was already awake and running a hand through his hair while Theo was asleep next to them. Other than the three of them though, the room was empty.

"Where did the others go?" Xander mumbles in a tired voice.

"Beckett had work and Jeremy and Rae went to school. I told them to just let you and Theo sleep. I wanted to spend the day with my last two babies," she smiles.

Other than Theo, Xander was the one who loved Lauren the most. The others thought of her as a drug addict who was occasionally nice to them. But Xander saw her as his mother who just happened to be sick and he didn't see the part in shaming someone who was sick. Instead he wanted to help her get better.

Xander figured that after she woke up the others would leave and he was right. Beckett never thought of her as a mother, but of course he still didn't want her to pass a way due to his siblings sake. But once she had woken up he went back to not caring and went on with his day. Xander didn't blame him though. It was partly her fault that Beckett had to grow up so quickly in order to take care of the others.

Xander smiles softly and sits up on the bed, rubbing his eyes. His hair stood up in every direction and his eyes were red from lack of sleep. "Do you think you can go home today?"

She shrugs. "If everything is stable and im healthy I'll probably be able to leave this evening. You'll have to text Beckett if that's the case so he can pick us all up."

Xander nods and pulls his phone out, glancing down at it. He had three unread messages, all from Nolan.

Nolan [6:09] : that's good! I'm glad she's okay.

Nolan [6:30] : also I'll get your homework today for you and I can bring it to your house after school.

Nolan [9:16] : first hour was really boring without you. Miss you.

Xander smiles at the messages and tucks his phone back into his pocket. "Do you want water? Or a coffee or something?"

Lauren shakes her head. "No I'm okay. I just wanna sit her and talk with you. We don't do that very often anymore."

"When did we ever do it often?" He teases light heartedly.

Lauren smiles sadly and nods. It was the truth. They had been closer when he was a kid before her addiction took complete control of her life but lately they had been so far apart. Xander hadn't realized how much he missed their relationship until now while he laid in the bed with her.

"Yeah, I guess you're right. I've been a bad mom haven't I?" She says bluntly.

Xander shakes his head quickly. "I wasn't saying that."

"No, but you don't have to. I know I haven't been very good. I've cared more about... heroin and alcohol than my own kids over the past few years and I'm so sorry, Alexander. You guys don't deserve that. You all deserved such a better childhood than what I've provided."

Lauren felt like a failure as a mother. Her oldest was Beckett and he was already twenty one and had lost his entire childhood because of her. She had never been around to watch after the younger kids and so Beckett had to step up. Then once Theo was born and it was found out that he had autism, it just added to their responsibilities. All of the kids wished they had had their childhood, but Xander knew personally that he loved Theo more than anything and he wouldn't trade him for the world.

"Mom... it's okay. I'm not mad at you."

"Yeah, but you should be. You have every right to be angry at me and hate me. I wouldn't blame you," she says, letting out a shaky breath.