Look After You

Chapter 9

Like most days, Xander walked the short distance down the street and to Nolan's house. But unlike most days, today his heart was pounding ruthlessly in his chest. He wasn't even sure Nolan would be waiting for him today after what happened the previous night. The whole night Xander caught himself thinking about it the whole night. Even after talking with his mom the only thing on his mind was Nolan. He still couldn't believe that they had actually kissed and that he was the one that had initiated it the first time. It all seemed too crazy and unlike him in the first place. Xander had always expected to just choke down his feelings for Nolan until they eventually went away, but he was afraid that was no longer the case.

But much to his surprise, Nolan was standing in his usual spot out front of his house. He had his hat pulled over his ears and his hood up as well. It was chilly outside and a bit of snow had started to fall from the sky.

"Hey," Xander says shyly, offering him a small smile which Nolan returns.

"Hey," he says back. Once Xander was by his side, the two of them start walking towards the school. "So... About yesterday..."

Nolan didn't know what yesterday had been all about and he was kind of afraid to bring it up since he didn't know how well it would go over with Xander. He himself was confused about the whole thing but he knew if they didn't talk about it then the whole situation would just turn more and more awkward by the day.

"I don't know why I did it," Xander admits. "I was just tipsy and I was kind of bummed out yesterday and I think I just wanted to feel close to someone. I'm not like... gay or anything. I just wasn't thinking."

Part of what he said, was true. He was in a crummy mood yesterday and he just wanted to feel close to someone. He knew it was a weird reason to kiss his best friend, but it was true. That someone just so happened to be Nolan. But as much as he wanted to deny it, that wasn't the only reason why he had kissed him. He was attracted to him.

Since starting high school, Xander heard endless stories of couples getting together and then his guy friends bragging about it afterwards. But everytime they would start bragging about their girls, Xander couldn't seem to relate. Instead his mind often wondered to Nolan in those situations.

Nolan nods and looks down at his shoes. "I get it. But Xander I... I kissed you the second time because I'm... I'm confused," he admits. He had started questioning things the minute freshman year started and even with Xander's dad being a raging homophobe, he figure Xander wouldn't be the same way.

Xander looks over at him. "Confused about what?"

"Well I think that I might be gay or something," he mumbles. He felt like his heart was in his lungs as he said it out loud because it was the first time he had ever admitted it to anyone.

"Oh," Xander admits. "That's, uh..."

"Is that okay? Like if I am actually gay?" He asks nervously, glancing over at him.

Xander gives him a small smile and slings his arm over Nolan's shoulders. "Yeah, man. You're still gonna be my best friend if you are," he says softly and Nolan let out an actual sigh of relief.

"I was scared you'd hate me or something. I mean I don't really know for sure, it's a huge mess but I was still afraid to bring it up," he admits.

"I get it I know... I know I make jokes sometimes and say rude things but I'd never be pissed at you over something that isn't your fault."

Nolan grins and leans against Xander's side. He couldn't help but feel happy. He was terrified he was going to lose his best friend over this. But now he had the issue of Xander not being gay. Sure he had kissed him but he had been drinking and he figured he was straight. After all there had been several girls that Xander had kissed before and would tell Nolan all about. And it saddened Nolan slightly knowing his crush was useless, but he would get over it eventually. It would just take him some time.