Brook's POV
I'm currently trapped in my head. These last few weeks I feel it on certain days. I normally have them on Sunday's. I have this thought in my head and it just blooms to where I'm panicking.
I know I'm supposed to tell the boys when I'm feeling lonely but I don't want to complain. I'm a complainer in their eyes and I don't want that to continue to be who I am. I get out of bed and I trudge into the kitchen, where Jack and Rye are making breakfast. Well, Jack's cooking while Rye is giving him small, innocent kisses on the neck.
"Hey guys," I greet them.
"Hey Brookster! Are you tired today just like you were this past week?" Rye teases.
"No. I'm all better now. Sorry."
I see Rye give Jack more neck kisses and I really really want some right now. I can feel myself start to zone out again but I pull myself out before Jack catches on. Jack knows me better than the other boys, even thought we're all together, but I haven't told him about my thoughts and emptiness.
"Can I have a snuggle and some pancakes?" I politely ask.
Jack looks happy to touch me. I normally let the boys cuddle me when they want to but I have a hard time asking for what I want from the boys. He beams at me while Rye keeps pressing his lips to his neck.
"Nah. You can get some later, is that alright? I'm feeling quite lazy today and I want all the lads around me. Can you pick up some snacks for movie night?" Rye tells me but barely glimpses at me.
"Um. Yeah I guess," I whisper.
I start to head up to my room to get dressed but Jack calls out to me.
"You can still have breakfast."
"I've just figured that I'm not hungry. But thanks again."
As I'm getting dressed I focus more on how I'm not as in shape as I hoped to be. I change into gym clothes and I head down to say goodbye.
"Bye!" I call out to the boys, who are in the movie room.
Jack calls out, "Wait! You didn't get your goodbye ki-."
I close the door before he finishes the sentence. I rush to the car that we all share and I drive to the gym. On the way there, I think about nothing but everything all at once. I'm starting to think I don't want to keep going through these weeks. That's the reason I don't like Sundays.
I sign in to the gym and I run for 45 minutes, too much time for me but I need a distraction. I then workout for another 2 hours. I end the session with another 20 minutes of running. I jump into the gym shower and I get dressed. When I'm finished I remember that I was supposed to get some snacks.
I reach for my phone but I realize I left it at home. Crap. They're probably worrying or they're not. I don't think they are so I slowly head to the store. When I'm checking out, my eyes droop because I'm so tired from my workout. I shouldn't have pushed myself so much.
I just want to go home and snuggle with the boys but I can't. They ignored me today. I wasn't important enough to snuggle and hug. I put the snacks in the car and I drink the whole gallon of water that I bought because I was hungry but I didn't want to waste all that time working out by eating.
I head home. I don't put on music because that makes it worse. It shows me that I exist and I don't know if I want to. I think about how I'm feeling. I feel like I'm in a dark hole, not feeling anything but a dull feeling in my chest. What is this?
