*Jay and Silent Bob are putting up Valentine decorations at the Secret Stash*
Jay: Well, it's that time of the year again. And even though it's only January 6th, we're gonna get a head start and put up the Valentine shit.
Silent Bob: *nods*
Jay: I don't know man. Valentine's Day used to be some bullshit holiday to me. Y'know, spending four or five in a row of them alone really hardens you. But now that I got Holly, I'm gonna go all out this year! What about you Skinnybones? You got plans?
Silent Bob: *shakes his head*
Jay: Oh we're gonna change that. C'mon.
*They stand outside the store*
Jay: Don't worry man. I'm your wingman, and I know just the words that'll get you a date for Heart Day.
*An attractive woman is coming by*
Jay: *whispers* I got this.
*She walks by*
Jay: Yo baby, you ever get your butt licked by a skinny guy in an overcoat?
*She sprays him with pepper spray*
Jay: YOW! SONOFA—
*She runs off*
Jay: Hey I tried man. Let's head back in. *They walk back in*
Jay: Well anyway—
*The Riddler and Riddlette burst in*
Riddler: Alright stay cool this a robbery!
Jay: Aw man what the fuck not you two again!
Riddler: I'm sorry I don't believe we've met.
Jay: There was that whole fuckin' court case and—
Silent Bob: *gestures that they can't talk about that*
Jay: Ohhhhh right. You got neuralized.
Riddlette: The hell you talkin' about puddin'?
Jay: Don't worry about it.
Riddler: Well riddle me this! What's the easiest way for us to double our money?
Jay: Uh....um...oh duh I know this one, you put it in front of a mirror!
Riddler: Wrong! YOU give yours to us!
Riddlette: Yeah!
Riddler: And if you don't in the next ten seconds *pulls out a bomb with wires and everything* I will be forced to detonate the bomb, killing us all—
Silent Bob: *pulls wire that deactivated bomb*
Riddler: *looks down at bomb, then at Silent Bob* You edgy bitch.
Jay: That's it! *Pulls shotgun out from cash register and cocks it* Get the fuck out of our store or else I'll shoot you!
Riddler: Riddlette, my dear, if you would be so kind?
Riddlette: Sure thing puddin'. *Pulls out twin question mark shaped knives*
Jay: Please don't.
Riddlette: *chases Jay and Silent Bob with the knives*
Jay: WAAAHAHA PLEASE DON'T!
*Connor runs in*
Connor: DEATH NOOGIE!!
Riddlette: Oh shit.
Connor: YAAAAA!!! *Tackles Riddlette, puts her in a headlock and noogies her* I KNOW THAT'S YOU JORDAN! NOW SAY UNCLE!
Jordan: NO!
Connor: SAY IT!
Jordan: NO!
Jay, Silent Bob, Riddler: 😳
Jay: So...you guys wanna get brunch?
Riddler: Yeah!
Silent Bob: *nods*
*They leave as Connor continues to noogie Jordan*
YOU ARE READING
Jay and Silent Bob Take on the World
FanfictionWhat are Jay and Silent Bob up to after helping the task force out with Christmas? Could they be...oh I don't know...going to prison? Tangling with aliens? Trapped in a haunted house? With Jay and Silent Bob, you never can predict what's going to ha...
