The struggles of being a bisexual

the day she broke

wow i haven't posted in a long time partly bc it takes forever most days it takes like 2 days to edit 9 million words to  a couple hundred (i go all over the place when i am writing).
anyway a lot of shit happened. i have changed in so many ways. i have learned things the hard way and cried so many times it's crazy.

what happened in maybe sept - november i think:
i by an accident found out my family said that that they thought me being queer was a phase. i spiraled into a 2 maybe 3 month depression period. honestly i was pretty awful. negative thoughts 24/7 nothing felt like they were gonna get better. the worst part was when i thought i was changing socially no one checked up on me or asked if i was okay like b wtf are you doing calling yourself my friend. anyway it was horrible and the help i got from the counselors was okay but ehh yk.
December 20:
the day i actually broke.
long story/worst day of my life ( but i'm actually not exaggerating)
anyway so basically the day before ( dec. 19) i was at after school dance and they were saying awful things about the lgbtq+ community.
( this has happened before, if you have been reading me for a long time you alr know that) ( also they don't know i'm bi so yeah)
but as they spoke i froze in fear couldn't move. all i could hear was the most obscure words. for some reason i was really hurt. Unfortunately i still don't know how to brush off the homophobic comments. I still take them to heart and let it effect me. When i got home i started balling and balling. I cried to my mom for two hours straight. After, I decided i was gonna change the world the smallest way i could. My school.
(dec.20)
The next day i came school before class started and  immediately wanted to cry some more. To make it all worst one of my closest friends, M, was leaving the school so i was just crying the whole morning for mostly another reason, but she had a lot of friends so i knew i couldn't go and talk to her . so i left and cried in someone's empty office. i got my shit together and went back outside with my friends .
That day we had block schedule 2,4,6. When the bell rang i went to my 2 period teacher and talked to her for an hour outside,crying, telling her what happened and what i wanted to do. i wanted to go to the principal ( wow this sounds so ridiculous once i think about it) and ask if we could have maybe a talk to the students about queer history and the history behind the derogatory terms, dyke,fag,queer. like incorporate it into the education.
Of course we have now reclaimed those terms so i think it's perfectly i say them.
basically showing the inside perspective of the struggle with videos and speakers. Of course parents would sign a form saying they could go. I thought this was a good idea because they do it all the time with topics such as: bullying,drugs, mental illness, online safety. My teacher was soooo supportive. she thought it was a great idea and made me feel so much better. i made it through 2 and 4 all good.  In lunch i was with M and all my friends all laughing together for the last time with her. And i started crying but i felt so guilty for take the attention away from M. but they were so nice to me and i needed them. i explained and they hyped me up they listened and told me i would be amazing talking to the principal. Then lunch happened. I have last lunch which means from there i go to 6th.
After lunch i walked so confidently into her office and then i started crying. she looked at me with a blank expression and told me with her monotoned voice that i shouldn't be dramatic and take things to heart, she told me my idea was not good and she was to worried about what the parents would say. she kicked me out of her office to talk to the vice and then i went to my all time BESTIE the counselor yay!! i was still crying talking to her but 2 mins in she tells me we have to go outside for a fire drill. "WHATT?!?" i screamed with my puffy eyes and red nose. Me still tearing up walked into the field like it was my runway, crying and everything. the class i was missing ( 6th period ) was right there and the teacher was staring at me and so was my 2nd period teacher, the one i talked to.  i went up to them and explained to them what happened. 2 and 6 were so nice to me they were telling me she was rude, you know making me feel better. the funniest part was that 6 didn't even know what happened. all of the kids ( in my grade so i knew them) were starring at me. " hi bitch,ik i'm crying ... and what, i'm fabulous" i thought. I get very sassy and i laugh when i'm crying i kinda like to cover up the fact that i'm crying. so yeah it was awful then we winter break. i thought it was over but for two weeks i cried. A lot. pretty swag :) !!
Now it's may
im doing so much better i have grown soooo much and im really proud of myself in the most unselfish way i think.
LMFAO NOW ITS JUNE
well even before may /during may really. i was getting harassed by these boys about being "lesbian" and i cried a lot after , people told me i was being dramatic cuz everyone's straight and clueless. But i talked to my second period teacher and it helped me realize i'm strong, and i have to learn that i'm the only one that can save me so i might as well learn how too.