Its gonna be okay

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by Alexbluefood

by Alexbluefood

I just wanted to rant so ... enjoy?
I gave them the signs but they didn't notice.
Me quiet, obviously I was gonna say I was fine. And yes Ik you can't read my mind but a good friend would check up on me privately and ask if I was okay. Bc if you tell me I look like I just cried and i say no it's bc i am always on the verge to. If I text you and I tell you every five minutes I don't want to be here and I distance myself from you. ITS BECAUSE I AM NOT OKAY and i feel alone in a room full of people who love me. I don't want to do this anymore and I dont know what to say. ...if I don't show up to lunch or classes because I spend two hours in the counselors office crying. And you still didn't you see them,The FREAKING SIGNS I LEFT. Why didn't you see that I am uncomfortable talking to people now, that before school you don't see me. That I stopped talking to people around me that I have to leave the room to stop myself from balling.I barely touch my food ,I don't make eye contact, I built a wall with my face on it and you can't tell the difference.

But I still feel like you care and it's hard. Sooo hard. I dont even know how to explain it. I feel alone at times but I am fine others. I feel like crying and napping and yelling at the same time. I don't want to get out of bed and when I am at school I hear nothing I zone out and shut down I am there for 8 hours and I listen for 2. It's just hard when the only people you feel comfortable talking to are 2 counselors. And when I tell other people( they think I am joking) that I feel like I have no friends they ask what am I, i laugh it off and don't answer. when I feel like saying that there just a stranger that I know.( which seems like it doesn't make sense but if someone ask them something about me they could only say the basics).
It's like I don't want to be at school cuz I am alone but when I am at home it's like I am always being bothered and I don't want to be anywhere I can't tell you how hard the summer was...
But...I'm fine,I'm okay,my day was great. Thank you for asking.

-A