A Dreamers Dream

On the Road again (again). Buenos Aires, Argentina.

"Did you hear the rumour that our very own boss performed at the royal wedding during our little sabbatical? How the other half live, eh?" Sammy enquires as we tuck into our evening meal in the cafeteria backstage at the DirecTV Arena in Buenos Aires, and I quickly avert my eyes ready to lie to her. Yet again.

We've only been back on the road for a little over twenty-four hours, having arrived at our hotel in Argentina late yesterday afternoon. Due to the fact that most of the crew were flying in separately from the various locations they'd spent our week off in, I got to fly in with Harry. I'm almost starting to get used to planes at this point, or at least, sitting in business class on planes with Harry by my side at any rate. I should really have taken the opportunity to talk to him about our relationship, I guess, but well, I chickened out. Who wants to have an uncomfortable discussion on a plane surrounded by a couple of hundred other people with absolutely no means of escape if things get nasty for the duration of a nearly fourteen-hour flight though? I told myself that it was best to wait until we were safely on solid ground again, but here we are, a day later, and I've still not spoken to him.

The thing is, despite his lovely words at the wedding last week, I just don't think I'm ready to go public with our relationship. I enjoyed our evening out with his friends, not having to hide from anyone. Not having to pretend that there's nothing going on between us, but well, his friends are different. They love him to pieces, and the happiness in his eyes was enough to make them instantly but pleased for him. The crew, on the other hand? And Jeff? Paul? The rest of his band? Them I am not so confident about. I can't stand the idea of becoming the subject of whispered conversations backstage in the hallways, or the thought that people will start judging me. Either they're going to assume that it's just a sex thing and I'm nothing but a slut, or they'll think that I am just using Harry to try and further my own career, and I just don't think I am strong enough right now to deal with the fallout. The tour will be over in six weeks, just six weeks, surely we can wait at least a couple more before we 'come out' as it were? In order to minimise the time that I have to deal with peoples dirty looks? Harry is used to having half the world sticking their noses into his private life, but I am just not. He is my first real boyfriend, and the last thing that I want to do is have our relationship get torn apart by outside influences.

At Sammy's question, Harry's beautiful words from that night whisper in my ears as though he is standing right beside me "The truth is Maddie I can't remember the last time I was this happy... I think I'm falling in love with you." and I have to work hard to stop my face from reflecting the powerful emotions running through me as I reply to her.

"No idea," I say as calmly as I can whilst shovelling another forkful of lasagne into my mouth and hoping that puts her off trying to get me to elaborate more.

"There were pictures of him on Twitter in the area, with that Ben Winston guy, seems unlikely that he wouldn't have then gone to the reception at least I reckon." Clark chimes in "You're chummy with him Kiddo, why don't you ask him?" he adds, and I feel a bit of lasagne get lodged uncomfortably in my throat.

"Erm, not really no, I mean we're friendly sure, but it's none of my business what he does on his time off," I reply swallowing heavily to force my food down which suddenly doesn't seem so appealing. I think I've had enough to eat for tonight, and of this conversation, so I stand to go and empty my tray.

"Ahh, what's the point in you being friendly with the boss if we don't get the inside scoop, eh?" Clark teases me as I walk away and throw the remnants of my half-eaten dinner in the bin. I absolutely hate lying to Sammy and Clark, they've both been such good friends to me since I joined the tour, and Clark has been a part of my life for as long as I can remember, but I know that the minute he gets drunk he'll end up telling whichever girl he's in bed with all about Harry and I if I confide in him, and I can't risk that. Not yet.