AFTER. (lxc version)

Chapter 47.

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I blink a few times to clear my frantic mind. I told her I would answer truthfully, but I am afraid to.

"Well?" She repeats for the second time since her initial question.

"Yea" I mumble and hide my face with my hands just to have her pull them away. Even her touch on my wrists sets flame to my skin.

"Yea what?" Her voice is strained, like she is desperate for my answer.

"I missed you" I gulp, expecting the worse. What I did not expect is her sigh of relief, and the smile that appears across her beautiful face.

I want to ask her if she missed me but she begins to speak before I get the chance.

"Really?" she asks, How many times is she going to make me answer this? I nod in reply and she gives me a shy smile, Lauren shy? She seems to be pleased by my admittance, probably because she knows she has me wrapped around her finger.

"Now can I go back to sleep?" I whine, I know she isn't going to reciprocate my confession with one of her own and it is really late.

"Only if you sleep with me, as in the same bed of course" she smiles.

I sigh and lay down on Lucy's bed , careful not to touch Lauren. A sudden yank on my legs causes me to yelp in surprise, Lauren lifts me off the bed and throws me over her shoulder. She ignores my kicking and pleas to put me down until she reaches my bed. She rests one knee on the bed and lays me down on the side against the wall and then lays down next to me. I glare at her silently, I am afraid if I fight her too hard she will leave and I know I don't want that.

She reaches down and picks up the pillow that I tossed at her earlier and places it between us as a barrier.

"There, now you can sleep" she smirks and I smile back at her, I can't help it.

"Goodnight" I half giggle.

"Night Camz" she laughs back and I roll over on my side. I am not anywhere near tired so I just stare at the wall.

A few minutes later I feel the pillow move from in between us and Lauren's arm wrap around my waist and pull me to her chest. I don't move it, or call attention to her actions. I am enjoying the feeling too much.

"I missed you too" She whispers against my hair. I smile knowing that she can't see me. I feel the light pressure of her lips against the back of my head and my stomach flips. As much as I love it, I am left more confused than ever as I drift off to sleep.

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My alarm goes off too early and roll over to shut it off. The memory of Lauren coming to my room last night flashes through my mind and I snap my eyes open to find Lauren sitting up next to, staring down at me with an amused smirk.

"You're cute when you're asleep" she teases and I sit up as quick as I can.

"What's the alarm for?" She asks and hands me my phone. I switch it off and climb off of the bed.

"I am going to get a car today, so you can leave whenever" I tell her and she frowns.

"You're obviously not a morning person"

"I am.. I just don't want to keep you" I feel a little guilty for being rude, but I had expected her to be rude as well.

"You're not. Can I come with you?"

"To look at a car? Why would you want to do that?" I am suspicious of her motives.

"Why do I have to have a reason? You act like I am plotting to kill you or something" she laughs and runs her hand through her hair.

"Well, I am a little taken aback by your cheerful mood this morning.. and you wanting to go somewhere with me" I admit.

"I just want to.. I don't have anything else to do"

"I think counting the tiles on the ceiling would be more fun than coming with me" I do want to spend more time with her but my judgment is so clouded by her. She confuses me too much, there is too much back and forth between us.

"Look, if you don't want me to go with you just say it and i'll just go home" Her annoyance is evident.

"I do, I just..."

"You just what?"

"I am afraid that you will be ..unpleasant to me the entire time" I turn away from her and gather my clothes. I need to take a shower before I go anywhere.

"I won't be. I promise, just let me show you that we could.. that I could be nice. It's just one day" she smiles. I feel like we are constantly trying to be friends, not be friends, stay away from each other, stay the night with each other, so much energy is put into whatever this is between us. Matthew will surely break up with me and never speak to me again if he knows that Lauren stayed the night with me, in my bed, holding me as we slept. While I am lost in my thoughts it finally seems okay for me to admit that listening to Lauren's steady breathing in my ear while she slept was worth never speaking to Matthew again.

I don't know what it is that keeps me constantly afraid of losing Matthew, maybe it is my fear of my mother's reaction if we broke up, or maybe that my old self is so tied to Matthew, he has always been there for me and I feel like I owe it to myself and him to continue our relationship. But I think the biggest reason is because I know Lauren can't and won't give me the type of relationship I need and honestly want from her.

"Earth to Camila!" Lauren calls from across the room. I have been standing here mentally debating with myself and forgotten Lauren was even in my room. "Is something wrong?" She asks and steps toward me.

Oh, nothing just that I am finally admitting to myself that I have feelings for you and want more from you but I know you will never care about anyone, especially not me.

"No, I was just thinking about what to wear" I lie. Her eyes move down to the clothes in my hands and she tilts her head but doesn't say anything.

"So, can I come? It will be easier for you anyway so you don't have to take the bus. That's what you were going to do isn't it?"

She is right, it would be easier. "Yea"

"Yea what? You're going to let me take you or you had planned on taking the bus?"

"Both" I walk towards the door and she follows me.

"What are you doing?" I ask her.

"Coming with you"

"I am going to take a shower" I dangle my toiletry bag in front of her and she grabs it from me.

"Me too" she smiles. Damn co-ed bathrooms. She walks past me and opens the door without looking back. I rush to catch up with her and grab ahold of her shirt.

"Nice of you to join me" she jokes and I roll my eyes.

"We haven't even began the day and you're already annoying me" I tell her and she laughs.

A group of girls walks by us and into the bathrooms, they don't even try to be sutble about staring at Lauren. They aren't staring at her because of all her tattoos and piercings, they are staring at her because she is hot.

"Ladies" Lauren smiles at them and they giggle like school girls. Well they are technically school girls but they are adults so they should act like it. I scold myself for being so angry at every girl that Lauren comes in contact with, she is single and she can do what she pleases, I just wish it was with me. 

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