Better Together (COMPLETE)

Sorry.

"M.. You okay? "I hear Kyle asking.

"Yeah, am fine. I... just need to use the bathroom. "
Of course, am not okay.But Kyle doesn't need to know that, because as it is he has his own share of problems.

"Up the stairs, third door to the right. "Kyle says looking concerned.

"Thanks, I will be right back. "I say and up the stairs I go.

Moving so fast before anyone in this place sees me breakdown. I walk into the bathroom tears already rolling down my eyes. I wash my face, and look in the mirror convincing myself that this is definitely not the time nor the place.

I close my eyes take deep breaths and then walk out of the bathroom.
As I head back I notice one of the rooms open and looking in, I see Jaden sleeping on the bed throwing a basketball up and down the ceiling.
I don't have time to think and I just walk in.

"Am sorry. "
He totally ignores me and I don't feel bad because I know he's not in a good state.

"About last time "I continue "I think I got out of line with what I said. "
"You think? "He says still not looking at me.
"Am sorry, I was just upset. "
"Whatever. "He says.

Well, at least I apologized and I don't have to keep feeling so bad about myself. But I know that's not the only  reason why am here and so I continue, though at the back of my mind am thinking I should just keep quiet and get out, but I don't.

"Am so sorry about your mom. "
The second those words leave my mouth I know I shouldn't have. The ball drops from his hands and he sits up looking at me. Eyes red, hands in fist and I know I made a big mistake.

"What about her? "He asks calmly.

Too calmly and I don't like it because that only means a storm is coming. And suddenly I can't move my mouth.

There's no way am going to repeat those words, especially not to him. So I decide I should just leave. But as I turn around, he catches my arm and turns me around, very forcefully ,I might add.

"Speak. "There's that calm voice again and I know there's no escaping this time.
"K... Kyle said... "I start.

"Kyle, Kyle, Kyle!!! "He snaps."What  did your little boyfriend tell you, huh? Is it too hard for him to just shut his mouth up? What did he say? "

He's angry and I swear I understand, but I don't think he realizes that his fingers are digging into the skin of my arm and it's really painful. He's looking at me with those red eyes, now filled with nothing but hatred and I know all that loathe is for me.

"He said, you all had attended your moms funeral. Nothing more. Sorry for your loss. "

I say looking down, and am sure any moment now am going to start crying. From the pain in my heart and the one on my arm now.

And there's that  word again ' sorry for your loss '.I hate saying those words just as much as I hate hearing them.
I don't even know why am even saying them, because I think they only hurt someone who's grieving even more. They are just a reminder of the loss. A reminder of someone you will never get back and it sucks.

"Listen up!"He says dragging my chin up, so that am now looking at him.

"I don't need your pity and I don't want you talking about her. You have no right. Nobody does so you better shut up. "

"I just wanted you to know that I know what you're going through..."I don't even finish before he starts talking, raising his voice and am sure as hell everyone in this house will be up here if he continues like this.

"Do you? Do you know what am going through? "His voice is too loud and am thinking maybe I pushed too hard, I shouldn't have started this.

"I just lost my mom, my whole life is a mess because she's gone, gone, gone forever and I will never talk, hug or see her again"

I feel like my own thoughts echoing in his voice, and there ,my eyes start tearing. He's furious which I understand and I think as he's now speaking to me, he's not only angry at me, but at the world, at himself and the situation he is in.

"You don't know shit about what am going through because your life is so perfect, you have great friends, you are living in your own home with your parents, so don't you dare be a hypocrite and say you know about my situation. "And that hit a nerve.

"I know you are in a bad state right now"I begin and these damn tears keep flowing,
"But don't you dare call me a hypocrite. I said that, because it's true, not because I want to make you feel better. I know that pain and I just wanted you to know, slowly, you will get through it, not forget but it will not be as much painful as it is now. "

"Don't you dare tell me what to do or what will happen. "He's shouting at me again. "You have no idea how I feel, you have never been in such a situation, so stop acting like a know it all. "

Never been in such a situation, he says.And that hurts more than anything he has ever said and I wish it was true but it isn't.

I never told any of my friends before about it. I don't know why. Maybe I thought they would pity me, treat me differently, watch their mouths when speaking around me, and I didn't want that. But here am, with someone calling me a hypocrite, thinking am just saying things for the sake of it and it hurts so bad.

I can hear footsteps coming up the stairs and I think it's about time this conversation ends. But not before telling him my own truth.
I wipe my tears away with my free hand, though it doesn't help cause they keep on flowing but calmly i say,

"I do know how you feel. I do know what you are going through and I do know slowly it will get better, because I was in your situation seven months ago. Because,seven months ago, I ...lost my dad.So there, I think I would say I have experienced the pain you are going through right now. "

Before he could say anything, before I could could control these damn tears, the door opens wide and in comes Kyle and Alexa.

They stand by my side, clearly having no idea what to do. I don't know if they heard what I said, but whatever the case the person I intended to know, now knows.

I remove Jadens fingers away from my arm, and my arm is so red with his fingers printed on it, and it's just so fucking painful.

I walk towards the door,my paining arm, tears flowing like a waterfall and I don't think I have any strength left in me. I ran down the stairs and I can hear Kyle and Alexa, calling me and am glad they don't follow, because I need sometime alone.