Welcome to Camp Half-Blood!!

General advice.

Claire- Alyx, did you press record? You did? Oh, okay! Welcome, newbie! We're Camp Half-Blood- one of two Camps that help demigods learn how to survive the big adventure that is life. Chiron, was that good?

Chiron- Well, a little poetic, but it's a little late to worry about that. We can't take too long, otherwise it'll attract monsters.

Tori- Some of us are pretty new to camp, so we can only give a little advice. But we'll get some more experienced campers to come on too, as well as exclusive interviews with the Seven! What, Chiron? Oh, sorry, the Six.

Alyx - That's right! We're gonna do you new campers a favour by making this guide- consider this the slightly more in-depth Camp Half-Blood: Confidential! A sequel!

1) Watch your step. The pegasi aren't house-trained.

2) Keep your wallet near you when you're in or around the Hermes cabin.

3) Don't annoy the Ares campers, at all costs.

4) Unless you're 100% sure you're a child of Poseidon, please refrain from attempting to breathe underwater.

5) Try not to insult fashion brands when around Aphrodite kids.

6) Don't compete with Nike kids. Or Adidas kids, for that matter.

7) Please bear in mind that the Hecate kids don't find it funny when you say, "You're a wizard, Harry!"

8) Demeter kids are big on recycling. If they catch you littering or being wasteful, you may find yourself trapped in a cage of wheat.

9) Unless you have a death wish, don't disturb the children of the Big Three. Alyx here threw her tablet at me once. Claire isn't kidding. I did.

10) The console in the Big House is on permanent Idiot Mode. Don't ask.

11) Hephaestus kids make cool gadgets. Always accept gifts from them. (Apart from Leo.)

12) Don't pressure Apollo kids to sing or play instruments.

13) There's no point in entering Hera's cabin.

14) We're gonna let Ella the harpy do a point.

Ella- Cheese is good for leopard heads. Leopards. Sir David Attenborough. RSS Sir David Attenborough. Ship. Ships. OTPs. Nico and Aly-

WE ARE EXPERIENCING TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES. PLEASE BE PATIENT.

15) Don't disturb Athena kids while they're reading unless you want to walk away with a broken arm.

16) Keep Dionysus kids away from sugary drinks.

17) Demigods using tech like phones or laptops for too long sends a signal that attracts monsters.

18) You'll have weird allies. Embrace the weird.

19) Mr. D, our camp director, is to be feared and respected, kinda like Iron Man or Kevin Bacon.

20) Don't ask how Athena kids were born. It's weird.

21) Small beans named Nico will appear from time to time. Treat them with the utmost respect.

22) Yes, Ancient Greek is mandatory.

23) A guy and a girl cannot be alone in the same cabin. Camp rules.

24) Don't expect to have a long conversation with a Hypnos kid.

25) Mrs O'Leary is a friendly hellhound. She might chew on the occasional armoured training dummy- it's nothing unusual.

26) Stay away from the woods if you're alone and/or unarmed.

Speaking of which, now we'll hand it over to Becky D, who'll tell you how to react to the more natural aspects of Camp- the woods, the monsters, dryads, naiads, and satyrs!

Hi there! I'm Becky D. For those of you who don't know me, I'm not technically a demigod, but I'm a naiad daughter of Athena. Unfortunately, the other naiads in the Great Lake really don't like me, as I'm not Poseidon spawn like them, so I tend to spend my time in camp. A bit about me: if I had to describe myself in three words (without blowing my own trumpet too much), I would say I'm clever, kind, and wise. However, I read somewhere that you should let other people describe you in their eyes for a more accurate view. So I got a bunch of people to write down how they would describe me, and I have the list around here somewhere... Got it! Here goes:

Kind, Helpful, Narcissistic, Talkative, Petty, Perfectionist, Nice, Head In The Clouds, Meek, Chatterbox, Funny, Easygoing, Rambler, Helpful, Determined, Forgetful, Sweet, Gossip. Oh. No one said I'm smart. Never mind. Each to her own opinion and all that.

If you want to know more about me, I have written a diary, which Claire is (still) trying to upload.

Anyway, welcome to camp, demigod. I'm sure you'll love it here. Claire and Alex seemed to do a pretty good job introducing the basics, but I just have a few of my own tips to add:

~ Steer clear of Mellie and her baby, unless you want to get beaten up by Coach Hedge.

~Learn some Greek curse words so you can retaliate to Clarisse and her cronies.

~ Apply sunscreen before climbing the lava wall.

~Thoroughly research Pan and Percy Jackson before talking to Grover (a satyr).

~Don't eat the strawberries unless you've been given express permission by Mr D.

~Scrape the best of your meal into the fire (I know it sounds weird and a pointless waste of food, but it keeps the gods happy).

~Stay away from Rachel. That girl gives me the creeps.

~Leave camp way before the cleaning harpies arrive. I'm serious. There was this one time when a boy stayed behind too long in the Hermes cabin, and - *ahem* Sorry. I'm getting distracted.

~ Maps are in the Big House (the blue one).

Well, I think that's all from me. Ooh - if you need help with anything at all, from carrying to directions to fatal wounds to boy troubles, I'll be around. Right. Who wanted to speak next? *whispers* Oh. Well, why didn't you tell me?

Okay. Apparently, I was supposed to talk about the natural aspects of camp, which no one bothered telling me. Cough, Claire, cough. So, the woods. They are mostly forbidden, but we go in there once a week to play capture the flag. Among the many hazards are: the dryads, who are mildly territorial, the fire-breathing snakes, the occasional hellhound, and the entrance to the deadly labyrinth. I'm sure there are plenty others, but we wouldn't want to listen to me droning on all day. Sorry, what was that, Alex? Anyway, there's also the Great Lake. I suggest that unless you know one of the naiads has a crush on you or you are a child of Poseidon, you don't go swimming in there. Some of my 'sisters' are fond of drowning unsuspecting campers. Um, what else was there? Oh yeah, monsters. Basically, if a monster runs at you, kill it. Warning: monsters can only be killed by celestial bronze or imperial gold. Mortals can only be killed by other weapons. Demigods can be killed by both. How do you know if it's a monster? Generally, if it's big and ugly and is trying to kill you, it's a monster. Oh, but don't kill Mrs O'Leary (the massive dog). Sometimes her affection can feel dangerous, but she means no harm, and it would upset Percy if she died. Satyrs? They're the people with goat legs, by the way. They're mostly harmless. Grover is their leader, and the new Lord of the Wild, but unfortunately he's already taken. Cough, Juniper, cough. You've got to watch out for those nature spirits. They're extremely possessive.

Anyhoo, that's actually everything I have to say - yes, it does make a nice change, Tori, it's funny you should say that. Who wanted the mic next?