Run

Chapter 9

As we walk, hand in hand, part of me finds it really annoying that I'm acting like a twelve year old with her first boyfriend. I ignore that side though. This is nice and exciting. It's making me happy although, it is also making me rather anxious. What was just silently said was that we would be sticking together. Right? Or is a kiss like that meaningless? I feel like given the state of the world, that would be the case. 

In all of my plans, in my overthinking and overly thought out plans, I did not anticipate something like this.

What I planned for was to stick it out alone and survive because, that is what I know how to do. This isn't what I wanted either. Well, I'm sure it would be what I didn't want if I even entertained the thought of something like this. But I didn't and I can't just change everything for the warmth of another person.

"What are you thinking about so hard?" Jameson gives me a toothy smile and I frown in confusion, mumbling 'nothing'. His eyebrows furrow and it annoys me that I now think that it's cute. Or, now that I am willing to admit that it's cute. But then they are raised, "Penny for your thoughts then?" 

I purse my lips, "Do you have a penny?" 

He sticks his tongue out in concentration as he pats his pockets and fishes something out. He hands me a dime and announces triumphantly, might I add, "Here, no change necessary." 

Rolling my eyes, I snatch the dime and fidget with it. Glancing up, I only just notice his concern in those wonderfully colored eyes. 

"You know," I sigh and stop walking to face him, speaking more confidently than I feel. " I'm not, actually, going to this "Safe Haven" with you. I mean, I guess I'm just dropping you off and I wanted to make sure you got there safely. Not gonna lie, but I feel like you could use my help getting here. Never mind that though. Ok, so I lied, alright? I'm leaving bright and early tomorrow morning and I wasn't even going to say anything. I can't stay there, ok? I'm sorry. There's a lot going on up here," I tap my temple, "and I am now very confused. But I hope you understand. I am dropping you off and then leaving." 

It starts strong but toward the end I just blabbered on, more like I was telling myself this and not him. Jameson, for his part, looks confused now and I feel terrible. 

"Wait, hold on-" 

"Look," I cut him off but he covers my mouth with his hand, much to my shock. Moving his hand away, I try again. "Jameson." and he just shakes his head. 

"Seriously, shush!" this time I listen, a look of concentration flickers across his face before it's gone, leaving a blank look.  I shuffle slightly closer as I clutch my knife. 

There's a small noise on the other side of the bushes. I didn't realize my tight grip on his arm until he starts to edge forward. I let go quickly, only for Jameson to quickly grab my waist and shove me behind him.

I make a disgruntled noise and push away a feeling of pride in his new found courage. 

Allowing it, though, I lean around him but stay put. We peer through the leaves and see a group of people sitting around a fire, weapons strapped all over them, big guns in hand. What is really catching my attention is the huge ass wall behind them. 

We've found it.

We both relax slightly and Jameson's arm around me squeezes me softly once before he lets go entirely looking at me pinked cheeked. 

I look at Victor and see his tail waging. What a good dog he is. I reach down and pet him before pulling both him and James away from the people. 

"We have to be careful James. They don't know to expect us and we don't how they will react." I whisper as I slip a makeshift leash around Victor. It'll make the people feel safer. "This is it. Let's not fuck it up."

I go to walk forward but Jameson grabs my arm. 

"What-"

"Is that it then?" In this moment, he looks terribly sad and my heart clenches for making it that way. "Now that you told me you'll be leaving, will you say good bye? Because, I can understand, so you don't have to worry about me trying to stop you. Just tell me if you'll be saying good bye?" 

My mouth opens and closes, not knowing what to say, I throw my arms around him. He holds on tightly and so do I. 

Whispering into his neck, I shake my head. "No, I'm not going to say good bye because that means we'll never see each other again and I don't want that." 

He pulls away slightly, eyes glassy but hopeful. "So you're staying?" 

"No," I shaking my head and swallow back the emotion. "No but that doesn't mean I won't see you ever again. When I leave, I want you to see me off until-until we meet again. Right, ok?"

Jameson offers up a small, sad smile and nods hugging me fiercely before we face the people. 

This will be the last night with him, I need to to stay somewhere safe before I make my way out in the morning, to finish my journey.