Iris

Life is Problems

Rain Rain,

Come and Play,

My heart's begun to break today.

All my tears ~ a display.

Rain Rain,

Come and Play.

********

They say a person can survive up to ten minutes without breathing before irreparable damage occurs to the brain, and thus kills the individual. To me, it felt like I'd stopped breathing for a century before I moved an inch. I felt like strings had attached themselves to my limbs and were causing me to move. It was like an out of body experience.

My body moving forward towards my dad's body. Sprawled. On the floor. Motionless.

A bag over my head, trapping me in, keeping the oxygen out. The pressure that I was under as I neared my fathers limp limbs was utterly indescribable. Heart beat ringing in my head. Please God. Not dad. Not my dad. My dear precious dad, who was the only one. The only one left in my beautiful broken family. Take everything but not him, I thought, tears pouring down my face.

When I saw the faint breath that my dad was taking in, I felt like the sky had cracked open and a light was shining through. Thank you, thank you, thankyouthankyouthankyou.

"Thank God for small mercies!" I cried, silent tears of relief flowing down my cheeks now.

I quickly took action. Turning my dad over and dragging him onto the couch in the lounge room. I called out to him a few times, and shook him gently, but he stayed unresponsive. I was about to call the ambulance when I heard him groan. 

"Does anything hurt? Anywhere?" I immediately question.

His mumbled response was that he had a very powerful migraine. I rushed to the kitchen and grabbed a glass of water, and two numbing pills from the pantry that stored all the medicine.

I gave them to him after I eased him into a sitting position, patiently waiting for him to consume them, though I was dying to know what had inspired this turn of events. In the time he took to swallow the pills and sit back, I had analysed his face for any other signs of pain or weakness. The only thing I found was the extra stress lines I hadn't noticed had formed on his forehead, and a sad droopiness around his eyes that I hadn't seen the last time I'd looked at him.

The last time I'd looked at him. 

I couldn't even remember the last time I had properly looked at him. Mum had come down as cancer-ridden, not long after my brother's disappearance, giving us no time to prepare or heal before another tragedy had occurred.  I hadn't seen him, except for the glimpses of his silhouette as he came through the door after a long day of work, scarfed down some food, and knocked out on the couch afterwards. It hurt to know that the majority of my family was in great pain or had felt great pain. The last time we had sat together as a family.. and laughed and talked was the night before his disappearance.

I sigh out loud, which seems to bring my father out of the daze he was in.

When he makes eye contact with me, that's when I know something is wrong. Truly, and undoubtedly wrong. His eyes are red-rimmed, blinking rapidly, pupils near invisible.

"What's wrong?" I question urgingly.

In that moment his whole demeaner seems to drown in sadness. Overcome by it. Consumed.

"I Uh- I lost a pretty big investment. It was risky but important, so I just had to take it.  The pros outweighed the cons. And we needed it. With everything being the way it is. I thought that if I secured it I'd be able to take a rest a bit from the business, get enough money there'd be enough to maybe take a rest, work on my own health. Have enough put aside for your mum bu- I'm sorry. I'm sorry for being selfish. I'm sorry everything is the way it is." He babbled on, mumbling, as if to himself.