A Chapter Completed

Breakdown at Rodriguea's

Here's some advise for you guys. Never sit in a car full of people who have known each other for God knows how long, and have known you for just a week - especially if it's in the middle seat.

I was stuck between Jason and Stacey. Davina was driving and Drake was sitting shotgun.

The car was filled with their conversations, with an occasional bubbly laughter coming from Stacey when Davina made fun of Jason.

I sat there, in silence feeling awkward. My usual feelings, when it came to such circumstances - which was more often than not thanks to mother's habit of socializing and holding family gatherings - were of being invisible, forgotten, unwanted.

I would usually find myself pushed, somehow, into a dark, deserted corner, from where I could observe all that was happening. All the good times everyone else was having. All the smiles and the happiness. The jokes and the stories being exchanged. All the things that I was not a part of. All the things I could never have. All the things I never deserved because I was never good enough.

Bit by bit, I got used to being looked over. The spot light was never my thing, even before, but after that, I learnt to embrace the invisibility, the darkness, as my monsters simultaneously darkened my mind, further convincing me of my unworthiness. Day by day, it increased, and finally, I could not even remember what the light looked like. What being noticed felt like.

And now, here I was, amidst the most popular and influential people in school, who kept trying to drag me in each and every one of their conversations. Who kept asking me what I thought. Who decided that I was worthy enough to be told about their most embarrassing moments.

Thus the awkwardness.

"Zoe, I have a date this Saturday," Stacey said.

Davina and Jason were engaged in a different conversation, and thanks to my seating position, I clearly noticed Drake stiffen at the mention of the date.

"I was hoping that you could come to the mall with me and pick out an outfit. Just the two of us having some fun girl time," she continued, excitedly.

Excuse me? Is there a problem with my hearing or did Stacey just ask me to hang out with her?

Don't be too happy, dear. She's just making fun of your...pathetic... sense of dressing.

"Hello? Zoe? Are you listening to me?"

Stacey's voice rescued me from my thoughts, something I was grateful for. But the idea was already planted. Was this all a joke to them? Or a huge prank that everyone, save I was in on?

"Yes, sorry about that. Not to be... rude or anything, but... why don't you ask Davina? I don't think I'm the right...companion for such kind of an outing," I answered, gesturing to my black, worn out cardigan, my dirty brown shirt that was at least three sizes too big and my grey tracks.

"Davina is against the whole 'me going out on a date' thing even if she claims she isn't, so I wouldn't want to torture her by forcing her to tag along. As for not being the right companion, as you put it, I think I should be the one to decide that," she replied, as Davina pulled into the driveway of a local cafe, Rodriguea's.

"Oh," was the only response she got as we stepped out of the car.

Last resort again darling.

I was just about to follow Stacey into the cafe, but was stopped by Davina.

"Who are you hiding from?"

For the second time these past few minutes I questioned my hearing. Before I could even form a reply, she continued.

"You're dad dropped you off, for the first time since you joined high school. But what gave it away was how you were observing your surroundings the moment you stepped out of the car as if looking for someone and going by you're expression of dread and fear, I'd say someone you'd rather not find."

Baffled. That's the perfect word to describe my feelings.

She spoke, once again not waiting for a reply.

"You don't have to tell me who it is, but from what I understand, it's someone you'd hate to encounter on your own. Which is why, for the rest of the day, you stick with us."

With that I was left watching her retreating figure walk towards the cafe. 

I closed my eyes, trying to calm my rage. Yes, rage. I was pissed off. I was tired of being pushed around. Why the hell would Davina care if I was hiding from someone? And what right does she have to order me around? 

Sure I should be appreciating the fact that she was willing to put up with me so that I don't encounter...her. But no. She was no better than the one I was desperately trying to hide from. I was done being pushed around. So completely done.

Before I could lose my newly found nerve, I stormed in.

"Just stop it! All of you just f*cking stop it!"

The squad was seated in a booth at the corner of the shop. Jason and Stacey dropped the menus they were looking through, their expressions of disbelief. Drake had a poker face on, which was scary considering he always had a smirk - or a smile when it came to his friends - on his face. Davina had a bored look on her face. And that just fueled my anger.

"I know it must have slipped your minds but you guys are not the freaking center of the bloody universe! Other people exist too, and not just for the sake of serving you!"

Davina let out a snigger.

"Do I look like a bloody joke to you? Oh, wait, I forgot, I'm just an excuse to break one of your so called traditions! I was fine being unnoticed. I was fine being invisible. Sure it hurt, but at least I wasn't forced to follow some rich brat's orders out of the fear that I'll have one more person to torment my already miserable existence!

Home is hard enough, and as messed up as it sounds, school used to be my escape to some extent. Chase isn't there as a constant reminder of how dumb I am. Neither is mother with her constant disapproval. But nooooo! You just had to drag me to your bloody table! And for what reason? F*cking free entertainment!"

By the end of my...speech, I was breathless, and was surprisingly feeling much lighter. 

But two seconds later, as I watched the expressions of the Popular, I thought, not for the first time, "Shit."