I've always known for being a calm person. But at this very moment, there is no way that I can calm down. My plane is landing at the moment. So there is no way that I can go back now. I left my home behind. Minneapolis is far far away from here. I came here, to Austria for a reason. Although I feel terrified at the moment I'll get used to this. Don't panic Marina. Don't. I'm looking for my asthma inhaler because I can't breathe. This is killing me, being here, trying to look tough... I'm using my asthma inhaler and feeling better immediately. When I get to my new house I can feel that another attack is coming up. This is too much for me, this excitement... My flatmate opens the door with her smiley face. ''Hi, I'm Victoria.'' She looks like a nice person. The apartment looks so old. I like it. There are cats everywhere. ''You've wrote that your asthma is not allergic on your e-mail. Cats are fine right?''
''Yes, they are fine. What's their names.''
''I have three cats, ginger one is named Cat Stark, white one is Arwen and the black one is Arya.''
''Nice names.''
''Thanks. Your room is over there.'' She points the other side of the flat. We go to my room. It's medium sized, has two windows. Very nice, furniture looks good. I think it looks ok.
''This room is very bright. Gets the sunlight all the time.''
''Thanks for having me.''
''Oh, you're welcome. I've always wanted a foreign housemate.''
She shows me the other rooms too. Afterwards I get back to my room and start unpacking. Then I feel tired and go to sleep. I see strange dreams.
I wake up with cats all over my face. I shoo them all and get out of bed, start wearing my clothes. I go to the kitchen, open the fridge and try finding something to eat.
5 minutes later Viktoria shows me how to use the owen and stuff. We have our breakfast and get ready to go to school. University of Vienna is very close to our home. We're taking the bus.
When I get there I panic and start looking for my inhaler. You can handle this without that inhaler. Try to calm down.
I do my paperwork and get to know the professors, the students and the university. They all seem very nice. After a long, tiring day Viktoria and I go to a cafe and just chill. I see the ''Help Wanted'' sign on the glass and ask about it. One of the waiters take me to the manager and he says that I can have the job if i want to. They're scheduling my shifts according to my classes. Now I have a job too. Incredible.
When we get home, we watch tv for a while but then I tell Victoria that I'm going to sleep. I go to my room, turn up my laptop and watch a movie... I just felt like I need to be alone. I have to think about all these things. I also have to face my parents. But I'll do it some other night... I get a text from my sister.
They found out. It's such a mess in here. I got your back.
This is not helping. I can feel my heart, beating like crazy. I sit onto my bed and just read a book. I can't get rid of my feelings. They're gonna ask me to come back, I know that. I don't wanna go back but they'll force me. I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this. These ups and downs are making my life so fucking fantastic(!)
