Solomon

Fourth Grade

SOLLY

Andrew B Dolmer died on the first day of my fourth grade year six years ago today. Drew as my mother called him never told anyone his middle name, I didn't even find out it was Brandon until his funeral, my elder sister Andy used to make up stories on how it was some huge secret that we had to keep and that telling anyone would inevitably end in the catastrophic destruction of all human life as we know it.

This was before the whole cancer scare, before he quit work, before he became a drunk, and before he crashed his car and died, taking three other lives with him. Andy who had the unfortunate luck to be named after said father picked me up from school that day. It was the first sign. The second sign was when Andy, who was always happy, when Andy, who always saw the cup as half full, didn't even ask me how my day was.

As soon as the car bumped onto our driveway i was jumping up and running out not even bothering to acknowledge Andy's bloodcurdling sobs as she moved behind me. Sally Jane Lilkon-Dolmes had been a stay at home mother up until that point so it wasn't abnormal for her to be home or talking on the phone the only abnormal thing was how empty the house was the lack of hugs, the lack of love, the lack of joy.

That morning was the last day my mother would wake me up with a good morning song that still repeats in my head and a bear hug. I don't think she ever actually uttered the words of my fathers death I just kinda...knew. I had been expecting it from the first time I came home to him passed out in his own urine. My father was a hopeless man with a poisoned liver, and when he finally left he took two little girls and their mother with him.

My mother still doesn't drive.

For a little while after we would visit the man try to pretend that anything we said could make it better. My mother went back to work and basically forgot about the fact that she had kids. She sends money back and occasionally comes to visit to make sure we are still alive, as if we are pets she regrets buying but doesn't have the time to put down.

"Why do you think it is that you detach yourself so much from your life story?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean it sounds like you're reading a book. Wheres the emotion?"

Dr. Sandi is a middle aged indian man who read to many books about connecting to "the kids" that he works with. his black hair is graying on the sides and his couch always smells like curry.

"okay, are you going to take me off the zoloft or not? It makes me tired and sluggish and makes my hair fall out"Sandi just quirks a bushy black brow at me and i stand up and leave his office immediately to find Andy sitting on the chair balancing a book on her heavily pregnant stomach.

"Sollie! you still have fifteen minutes left of this session."

I give her a quick eye roll and walk out knowing shell follow.

All I can think about it Lucy's party tonight and wether or not she'll already be wasted by the time i get there. "Its a statement" she always tells me but i know its just her giving up. Her parents who were supposedly fighting over her in court with hundreds of dollars worth of lawyers didn't seem to care that she spent almost everyday getting wasted and sleeping with countless dudes of all ages.

Don't get me wrong i completely understand the common era's relentless fascination with teenage parties and promiscuity that will become memories and one day when we are all older than our parents and miserable in our lives we will look back on as a form of refuge from our meaningless minutes and for just a moment find some sort of peace from reliving the "good old days"

But then we'll remember that one kid in that one corner who just happened to be drunk off cheap beer when he took a hit of some guys bong that we later find out may or may not have been laced and decides he's king of the fucking world and indestructible so he judos off the balcony and gets a really bad concussion and begins vomiting profusely in every direction but nobody says or does anything because we are all too greedy to risk losing this weekly escapes and face a scolding from our worried parents so we all go home with fear in our hearts and rumors spread but then he's fine and back in school on monday and we all pretend that it wasn't a big deal and when the kid doesn't show up the next weekend nobody does or says anything cause then the spell could be potentially broken and we would all realize the while that town in the newspaper or that kid that kid that was killed in the videos they show us at school we very well could be and that would be bad and scary and it would mean that we would all have to grow the hell up and take responsibility for our shit and god forbid any of that happens so nothing happens and nothing changes. I suppose ignorance is bliss.

Before Lucy, my best friend was a boy named Ian,if he was here with me now he would be talking about that one kid in that one corner and how we should be the ones to do something and i would be high enough to agree so we would run around trying to find that guy and end up passed out in some random room and while the next day i would find it funny Ian would get angry and sad that even in him there was a fear of breaking the spell.

It was in these thoughts i was so caught up that i didn't realize i was about to walk into someone until i already had and in the process spilled the cocktail that was slowly but surely growing old in my dixie cup all over him.

a/n: how do you like Solly what about Lucy also where are you all from

lmk if you guys like the story so far

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