You Don't Know You're Killing Me

Chapter 5 ( Raven )

His lips were so soft. i couldn't believe I did that. But I'm glad I did, I couldn't stop myself from falling for him. He's always been my bestie, I walked into my room and laid down. I took a deep breath and finally fell asleep. The next day me and Chris enjoyed ourselves, we walked the bridge and visited the Empire state building. At all times I had to continuously remind myself that I was in a relationship. I'ma go grab us some Ice cream he said as he let me into his hotel room. the ice cream place is downstairs and I was setting up the room.

Hey baby. i turned around to see carter what are you doing in here? Maybe I should be asking you that. Well i'm with my partner and you should be too, we were gonna watch a movie. He grabbed me and begin rubbing all over me. Baby i'm tired of 4 play, I'm ready for the real thing he said pushing me onto Chris's bed. No Carter, not here! Not now! He began kissing me from my neck down to my belly and he began giving me oral. I smelled the scent of Chris on his pillow and it drove me crazy.

Carter climbed on top of me and i began to forget it was him on top of me instead of Chris. The scent of him on his pillow was definitely doing it for me I pictured Chris climbing on top of me licking his lips as he kissed my body all the way up to my lips. He kissed my neck more and more and before I knew it he was inside of me. My breathing became harder & heavier and my legs were beginning to shake because it hurt so bad. After a few minutes I moaned and grinded back although it hurt I just kept picturing Chris on top of me. I moaned Chris's name extremely loud. Just then Carter hopped off of me and yelled what?! and Chris was standing in the door way with our Ice cream and a tear in his eye.

I quickly pushed Carter away from me Chris threw down the ice cream cones and left out. How could you do this to me?! i yelled at Carter pounding on his chest. He pushed me away from him and I fell onto the bed. Oh so you want that nigga!!!!? I fixed myself up and ran out of the room. I felt bad and i just didnt care about anything anymore. I ran up and down the halls looking for him but he was no where to be found. Only God knows how sorry I was. I felt myself bleeding down my legs so I ran to my room and took a quick shower I tied my hair up and put on some sweats and a tee. Please tell me he's safe wherever he is. I called his phone 3 times and there was no answer I sat on my bed and held the doggy he gave me yesterday and embraced the roses he bought me today.

Im a horrible friend. Amanda and Selena came in and saw me huddled on the bed looking drained, girl what happened Amanda asked. She hurried over to me and sat down. I fucked up thats what. I told them what went down and I felt horrible in every way possible. I sat there feeling open between my legs, I felt wounded, and thats when his words played in my head, becareful because once its gone you cant get it back. I just wish I would have stopped him ahead of time. It just felt like a scar that wouldn't heal. I felt so nasty. I've been looking for Chris every since. Amanda sighed with nothing to say, actually there was nothing she could say. she cleared her throat, well of it helps Chris is laying on the bench in front of the hotel with Nez. I lifted my self off the bed and walked down into the lobby and out the door.

I stood on the side because I could hear them talking I peeked around the corner and i could see her rubbing his temples... it's gonna be okay. he said no it's not.. Because not only did she fuck him in my bed she broke my heart. I could die it feels like. He grabbed her thighs and cried into them. I never seen him like this. I lost my best friend and my boy friend I suppose. I dont even know why she's with him. honestly she said. I mean he practically cheats on her in front of her face. I cant stand him. I dont know why any girl would up with his bullshit, this entire trip ive been putting up with him.He's disgusting ive had to chill with strangers this whole trip because all he's been tryna do is fuck me. Raven is my girl id never do her like that, even if he wasnt her boyfriend i still wouldnt fuck that piece of shit. My girl or not though she wrong for that. He looked up at her and put his forehead against hers. I know you don't know me like that and I know I dont know you but i'm willing to. Will you promise for as long as we talk to one another never to hurt me? She look into his now swollen eyes and nodded her head. I promise.

He cracked a small smile and backed up your usually so mean to me I use to think you were lowkey emo. she laughed no I just dont trust niggas. So whats making you trust me? he asked She said well I seen the way you love. It so different. The way I love? he question. Yeah the way you love, it's like when you care about somebody you put your all into it. As a friend, bro, whatever we'll be I can honestly say I could roll wit you. He smiled I like that. She smiled too. It was hurting my soul to see another female put a smile on his face.So what you gonna do for tomorrow? she asked. He said nothing I dont wanna do anything that has to do with her, I dont even think I could face her after that. I just wanna go home at this point. Besides Im gonna be sleeping on the floor for the rest of this trip or out here on this bench. I dont wanna sleep in a bed that a bum nigga fucked the love of my life in. Why use the word fuck? she asked. Well because of the simple fact that he wasn't making love to her and it wasn't sexing her.. He fucked her, now im sure he's done with her. I would've massaged her body and made love to her like she should've been made love too.

Niggas dont understand how precious a girls virginity is, your suppose to be good to her, earn it. Embrace her gift and let it fall into place. She fanned herself and said you making me hot lol.. He laughed, so how did you lose yours she asked him. He shook his head, I didnt. She gasped yeah fucking right! He said true talk. I just get head alot I never actually did it but believe me I know how. Ima dancer and I can tell you now that I can put it down. She giggled and wrapped her arms around him. She had on a gray long sleeve sweater that went down to her knees and hung low on one shoulder. You got faith in yo pipe huh? he laughed and said yeah, what about you? she said I dont wanna talk about it. He said sorry and she said its okay. So who you taking to prom this year? He said I dont know you have a date, I was supposed to be taking raven but she decided to ditch me for her boy friend and then this, now its just me again. All the other girls in the school are thirsty so I think I'm just gonna take Donna. Donna? The donna I know that has down syndrome? Yeah he nodded I mean its wrong that everybody is judging her and I know first hand how it feels to be hurt so I think Ima ask her out tomorrow.Your so sweet she said laying her head on him, I was so jealous, he was my best friend and I hurt him but it was her who was healing him. That should be me. So why are you being nice to me? She ignored him and ,got up and said well it's late I should get to my room. He laughed a little and watched her go back in the other door.

He was alone on the bench, I watched him stare up in the sky, it was late and we were supposed to be in our rooms. He began to cry loudly. God help me, I can't take this anymore. I'm sorry for being hard headed, when mike said she wasn't for me I should've listened I shouldn't have gotten my hopes up. She was caught up in the moment. My head is killing me please make it stop. Please God.

I couldn't see him suffer any longer. I walked out in front of him in the pouring rain Chris stop it your hurting yourself. Hurting myself? No YOU hurt me! why are you even out here, why did you come looking for me? You should've just went along with umm he snapped his fingers, whats his name!! I yelled Chris stop this bullshit! Oh bullshit!? that's what this is you fucked a nigga not only a nigga but a nigga that I don't like.. Not only did you fuck this nigga that I don't like but you FUCKED him in MY BED! I cant even sleep in there knowing this nigga fucked you in there. Im in love with you if you haven't noticed that then you must be deaf, dumb, blind, or stupid you pick.

I bust out crying because I never in my life heard chris talk to me like this before I must have really hurt him. I broke down on my knees Chris let me explain PLEASE! Okay quickly cause I aint got time. I explained to him when and why it happened. He stood up and said thinking of me while you getting fucked by some body aint a good enough reason for breaking my heart. He walked into the hotel leaving me standing out there in the rain.