Love. I used the word too loosely on anything thing I even slightly liked. Even after we started our "relationship", I said I loved her. We both knew they were just jokes. Well they were, at least, at the time.
I didn't realize how much I actually cared for her until we had our first argument. I was, to the say the least, absolutely fucking terrified of losing her.
It wasn't until today that I realized. I watched her nose crinkle at a dumb joke I just made. I would do anything to make her laugh, to make her happy. She starts laughing and her gummy smile appears.
"I think I'm in love with you." I say it so softly I almost can't believe it came from me.
I've seen this seen so often in movies and dramas. Everything stops, the characters are in disbelief, and they confess their true feelings. But it's not a movie or drama; it's real life and I can't believe I just fucking said it.
"What?" Mina looks so taken aback. It feels like it's been ages before she finally realizes what I said. "What did you say?" She doesn't sound angry, or disappointed, but I'm nervous nonetheless.
I see two options; be an adult and have a discussion or leave immediately with no warning. I choose the latter.
I leave in such a hurry that I manage to escape with only my phone, leaving my purse and jacket behind. After I run out, I hear the door open behind me but I choose to ignore it.
"Lia!" Mina shouts out behind me. "Please come back, we can talk about it!"
But it's too late, I ruined it. I ruined everything. I was so scared of losing her by fighting, but I lost her by being an absolute idiot. She isn't ready for this, we aren't even dating. Did I mean it? Am I in love or am I just infatuated with her? I don't think I'm ready to find out how she feels.
I subconsciously manage to make my way to Maria's apartment. I knock and I see her smiling face disappear as soon as she opens the door. I guess I look as miserable as I feel.
"Lia, what's wrong?" I start crying as soon as I hear her question.
"I think I fucked up."
"Oh sweetheart, come here." She gives me a tight hug and pulls me into her apartment.
(a///n there might be a part 2)
