the replay of the memories / peter parker x mj

part seven / drowning it out

It had been seven months since everything happened. Since the spaceship flew over New York. Since half of the world's population turned to dust. Since she lost the love of her life, Peter Parker. For three months after that day she spent most nights at Peter's apartment with Aunt May. She didn't mind, she enjoyed MJ's company and vice versa. MJ took her time to grieve. It took longer to get over the fact that he wasn't coming home every night, some nights she laid awake, hoping she would hear a faint knock on the window, his signal to her that he was coming in. Sometimes she would sit in his fire escape looking back on all the memories they had sitting there, looking out over the tall buildings of New York huddled in a blanket while watching the busy streets below. She would sit there looking out, knowing that she wouldn't see him swinging around in his red and blue skin-tight suit but deep down still hoping some day she would.

It wasn't always that simple though. For the first few weeks she had no clue what to do with herself, she would drown out the memories she had with Peter with alcohol until she passed out, she hated how happy she used to be with him and how she can't feel that same happiness anymore. She hated how she knew he wasn't coming home to her. She had nightmares of him calling out her name for help but she couldn't find him anywhere. It terrified her, the thought that he could be somewhere all alone. She drowned those thoughts out with alcohol too, it's the only thing she knew how to do those days.

There was a lot of days when she went through her phone at old voicemails he would leave her, old text messages, old photos and it would spark memories in her mind. She didn't know why she put herself through the pain of these old memories. She just wanted to feel like he was still with her. Tears would flow down her cheeks as she remembered all the good times they had together and how they had plans to do so much in the future. His time was cut too short, he was so young and had his whole life ahead of him. It hurts her to think about all the times he told her how he didn't care what the future held as long as he was with her. And then she would feel guilty that she was here living, without him. She would do anything to see him one last time.

However, in spite of all this heartbreak and loss, MJ took her time to ground herself over a few months. She spent time with Aunt May and Ned, checking up on them daily to make sure they were doing okay. Loosing Peter broke them all but they eventually built themselves back up. MJ and Ned went to Aunt May's once a week to help her make dinner and then watch a movie together. It was a small gesture but reminded them that they weren't alone.