Blamed

Chapter 44

Crimson's POV

Death.

That's all I've caused in the past years. It floats over me like a dark cloud, and I enjoy it. The sound of it, the smell of it, even the feel of it. It has become a thing that I know won't judge me. It's unchanging and promising. It's... me.

Years after my grandmother passed, it was the only thing that greeted me. The only thing that seemed to really comfort me. As sad and twisted as that sounds, I cannot deny it. It's apart of my very being, and yet...

I can feel myself changing. For him.

Paxton. The feelings I have when I'm around him are indescribable. It feels like my insides are exploding when we touch, and when we're not I feel an immense amount of emptiness. More than I already do.

When I'm around him, I feel lighter. My mind isn't as noisy and the way he looks at me... It warms my insides and I can't help but wonder if I make him feel the same.

Of course not.

I'm a killer. A monster. I shouldn't be having these feelings for him. I have no right to something that I've torn from several people over the years. No matter how hard they begged, I didn't listen. No matter how many times they tried to sacrifice themselves in the space of their lover, I slaughtered them. Without hesitation.

I wonder if they felt like this. Like their insides were being ripped out—and not because I was doing it—but because their lover was disappearing right in front of their eyes. Vanishing from their side, and they can feel their energy seize to exist. Did their breathing stop because the air wasn't haboring their significant other's breath? Did it feel like their heart was shattering throughout their ribcage?

Or maybe I was the only one that felt like that as I watched Paxton fall through the window.

"NO!" I shouted, the word ripping through my throat. Prospero kept his back to me. The hold Lucifer had on me dropped and I dashed to the window. Instead of going through like Paxton had, I crashed into the glass.

"Paxton!" I hit the glass, but my fists only bounced back off it.

"Open the portal." I breathed out. Prospero didn't meet my gaze.

"Crimson—"

"Open the goddamn portal now!" I yelled. Neither of them made any moves.

I blinked, my breathing out of control. I kicked and punched, but the glass wouldn't break. A wave went through my body and the room shook, but the glass didn't shatter.

My eyes looked at the material closely, calculations running through my mind. I couldn't think straight. There wasn't enough fuel for my mind to process the excess information.

"I'm sorry, Crimson."

I slowly turned to him, my jaw clenched. His dark, lilac eyes stared down at me. He held a blank look and that pissed me off further. More waves were flowing through my body and I could feel myself slipping into my mind.

kill him.

do it.

sastify yourself.

I closed my eyes, trying to gain control of myself. My mind was in an uproar. It craved death and it was becoming harder to sustain it. It was like someone was beating on my skull with a hammer. A constant knocking at my mental state.

There was a door. A door I promised myself I wouldn't dare open again. What lies behind that door frightens even myself. It's beyond human and...

It consumes me completely.