distance

pastime

(i overthink too much).
;
[30.12.18]

the clock ticks at two a. m.
and i'm stuck staring at the blank ceiling
like a statue
i can't stop thinking about you

these thoughts are unbearable–
so as my feelings;
knowing that it's mutual
knowing that you like me back

and it's a good feeling
a good tightening of your chest
it's an understanding
that i'm one of your best

yet i wasn't so sure
if it was real
if it was only me
the one you desire
if i was the only one?
or if i was the number two?
i don't know.

what i do know is that,
you enjoy my presence
the time well-spent
when you are bored.

when you have no one to flirt with
when you have no one to play games with
when your time is vacant and i'm
just dumbly waiting for you
when i laugh and smile and think it's all true.

it is, for the time being
you give me so much affection that it's hard
hard to think you're playing with me

i'm a doll
your doll

you can toy with me all you want
every day, every time
and discard when you find something else better

and i'm just good
and you're no good

but it's alright
even my heart's so tight
runny nose and stingy eyes
it's alright

after all, i'm just your doll
unmoving, just a thing

and most of all, your pastime
you go-to when you're bored and play area.

(do as you wish to me, it's alright).