Is It Wrong? | Sope

Chapter 23

Yoongi POV

"What do you want to eat, baby?" Namjoon asks softly as he kneels down in front of me as I lay on the sofa in my living room. I just close my eyes, barely managing to shake my head. I'm having a hard enough time just surviving all of this right now, using any ounce of pathetic strength I have in me left just to accomplish such an ordinary task. To try and bother eating? When I don't even have the slightest appetite? I don't even wanna think of the amount of energy I'd have to use just to something as simple as that.

"Yoongi, you need to eat, baby. You can't start starving yourself. You're skinny enough as it is and you already don't eat enough to begin with." He says in a gentle tone. I just shake my head lightly again, not in the mood to even speak a word. I just wanna stay here, curled up on the sofa with my fuzzy ash gray blanket tossed over me, and never move again. Of course, that'll never happen. Because, even if Namjoon isn't forceful enough to get his way in moving me, Jin wouldn't bother hesitating.

"Baby, come on. Please? I need you to eat something. I'll make you or order you whatever you want. I'll even let you write it down or type it out if you're really set on not talking right now." Namjoon tries once more. I squeeze my eyes shut tightly, shaking my head for what feels like the millionth time already. I don't want to eat right now. I don't want to talk right now. I don't want to sleep right now. I don't want to fucking live right now.

I bite my lip hard in attempt to hold back the tears as a thought hits me.

Of course this has to happen now. Just when I was finally at my peak of doing good and feeling fairly good too... Guess that's all gone to shit, just like my relationship. Lost that too, just like I did Hobi.

Though, just like I fail at everything else in life, the tears begin falling. Hardly controlling my actions, I feel my body curl back up into a tight ball as the tears hit hard. Mercilessly, they begin streaming down my cheeks, myself beginning to struggle for breath as the sobs begin racking through my body. I soon feel Namjoon's arms wrapping around me, him quickly beginning to comfort me in attempt to counter the new oncoming attack. Though, despite the amount of comfort he provides me, all attempts feel futile. As though my mind is just feeding into the attack, giving me more reason to panic and feel anxious, the feeling of it having come on so suddenly scaring me enough as it is.

"Shhhh, baby. Hush, it's okay, Yoongi. You're okay. I'm right here. I've got you. You're not alone. Shhhhhh. You're alright. It's gonna be okay." Namjoon coos softly in my ear as I continue crying, just wanting to end it all.

"W-why does it have to hurt so much? W-why can anything good never fucking stay, Joonie? I-I just wanna be h-happy for once." I cry out through the broken sobs. I curl even further into a ball, wishing I could just end my pain and suffering now. However, as much as I'd love to just end it all, I know Joonie would never let me and I don't know that I could put that kinda burden on him. I've had someone put that burden on me before and it's a heavy one to bare.

"It's gonna be okay, baby. Hush, shhhh. It'll be okay. I know it hurts, Yoongi, I know. I'm right here though. Okay? You're not alone, I'm not going anywhere. We'll get you through this together, it'll be okay." Namjoon murmurs softly, pulling me closer to him in order to pull me out of being in such a tight ball. I just whine and whimper, not having the energy or ability to really form anymore words verbally at this point.

It all just hurts. I wanna believe him, I really do, but I just can't. This isn't the first time I've fucking trusted someone and tried to start giving them my all, only to be slammed back down on the hard fucking floor. None of my efforts ever feel worth it anymore, and it begins to make me wonder if my career really matters anymore. If living life is worth anything at this point. I don't wanna do anything anymore, and I'm not sure that I ever really will again.

Though, after what feels like forever of crying and choking on sobs, the scary part of it all begins to set in. Tears subsiding, the painful emptiness and blankness begins to set in. Losing the emotion and energy to mentally fight any of it anymore. And the timing couldn't be any worse.

Because at that exact moment, Jin walks through my front door as if he owns the damn place, heading straight for me.